One *Stepp At A Time

Crosbi's Birth Story

2012-02-06T21:36:00.002-06:00

I've thought about writing the story of Crosbi's birth many times since the day she was born, not wanting to forget a single detail. The day was so intimate and personal that it seems strange to put it all online, but it was the birth stories of friends and strangers that gave me so much encouragement during my pregnancy, so if I can do the same for someone else, I'll gladly tell our story.

Before getting to the big day, I have to go back to the week before. On November 19th, three days after my due date, I wrote a post explaining how nervous I was about being induced. I was scheduled to go in for my induction at midnight on the 21st and as the day got closer, the more anxious I became. I was convinced that induction would lead to a c-section and the idea was more than my frightened mind could take. I asked friends and family to pray that Crosbi would come on her own because I was so unsure of what to do.

The night before my scheduled induction was restless. I eventually cried myself to sleep praying that God would relieve my fears. Imagine my surprise when my water broke at 3:15am! I woke up to use the restroom and as I made my way back to bed I noticed I was leaking. I waited a few minutes before waking Todd because the leaking seemed to come and go. I finally woke Todd and told him that I thought my water had broken. Since I wasn't fully convinced that was the case, we tried to go back to bed. Neither of us could sleep. We were too anxious and excited. Around 6am I decided to take a shower just in case it was the real thing. As I got undressed and turned on the water, I experienced the "gush" you see in the movies. All I could do was laugh. This was really happening. I took a quick shower, Todd called my mom and texted the rest of our family while we quickly got our things together to head to the hospital. Our timing wasn't great. By the time we were ready to leave, we realized it was rush hour on a Monday morning. And it was storming.

We tried to take our time to miss traffic, but my contractions were starting and we knew we had to get to the hospital. It had finally sunk in. This was the day we would meet our daughter. I was overwhelmed with emotion. I held on to Todd, knowing it was our last day as a family of two. For twelve years it had been just us. He was all I knew. We had grown up together and this life we had built was forever changing. We just held each other crying. We were saying goodbye and preparing for a brand new life all at once. My contractions were getting stronger. We wiped our tears and left the house, taking one last glance. It would be a different place when we returned.

To avoid traffic we took back roads, which was nice. My contractions were about 15 minutes apart, but the route we took is one of my favorites in middle Tennessee. We stopped at Dunkin Donuts because I was craving chocolate glazed doughnuts. I savored each bite. It was going to be hours before I would eat again.

We arrived at the hospital and I was soaking wet. I knew beyond a doubt my water had broken. We checked in and filled out paperwork. The contractions were getting stronger. We finally got a room, I changed and tried to relax. My contractions weren't too painful yet. Todd put on my favorite show, Golden Girls, and Leeland played quietly in the background. My doctor came to check me. I still hadn't dilated. It was going to be a long day.

My mom arrived around noon and I had never been so happy to see her. Not long after she arrived, the nurse came in to give me my IV. I had been dreading this. I'm sure I begged the nurse not to prick me, but she was quick. One hurdle crossed. A few minutes later another nurse came in to administer my pitocin. That was not the word I wanted to hear. Pitocin. The contractions became much more intense. Every 30 minutes my dosage was increased. I was in terrible pain. Todd rubbed my back while my mom tried to keep me calm. I felt like a child. I held on to my mom, staring into her eyes, as if she could take away the pain like she had so many times before when I was little. She would tell me to relax, but I couldn't. It was too much.

The nurses came in and asked if I wanted my epidural. I began to cry. I was only dilated a little over 2 centimeters. Getting an epidural would surely stall my labor. The nurses reassured me that I was already in active labor, and that the epidural would not cause me to stall. Around 3pm I agreed to have my epidural. My anesthesiologist was incredible. I leaned over, pressed my forehead against Todd's and tried my hardest not to move. I had never been so focused in my life. I sat completely still as I endured two more contractions. Another hurdle behind me. In just a few minutes I was completely numb. The pain was gone.

Over the next few hours, we all tried to rest. I never fell asleep. I was too nervous and excited. At one point my epidural began to wear off on my right side. I was given another dose and was good to go. By 8pm I was fully dilated and it was almost time to push. My nurse asked me to do a few trial pushes, and by the second one she could tell Crosbi was on her way. My doctor arrived and said it could take an hour of pushing before Crosbi was out.

After several pushes, Dr. Thomas said the words I had been waiting to hear. "Where did all this hair come from?" I managed to get out, "What color is it?" He told me it was dark and that was all the motivation I needed. My entire pregnancy I pictured Crosbi with a full head of dark hair. I couldn't stand the wait any longer. I had to see her. I pushed two or three more times, for a total of 40 minutes and with one final push at 9:18pm Crosbi Adelle was out. I felt such relief. The following minutes were a bit of a blur. I was trying to get a good look at her, watching the doctors wipe her off. They handed her to me and I kissed her gooey hand. She was absolutely perfect.

Once she had been cleaned and weighed, the nurses handed her to us. Everyone left the room to give us time together as a family. Todd and I held each other tight, staring at our new little girl and began praying over her. It was such an incredible moment. One I will never forget. I immediately felt the need to protect her and care for her, but I was afraid of her at the same time. Such great responsibility that I had never known. No longer was she just bumping around in my belly. She was in my arms, looking into my eyes. I knew I would never be the same.

My entire life I feared childbirth. It became a joke that I wouldn't have kids until scientists discovered how to make labor completely pain free. I have to admit that I was pretty proud of myself the day Crosbi was born. I accomplished something that I thought was impossible. God gave me strength I never knew I could posses. The female body really is incredible.

Todd and I spent the next couple of days in a euphoric fog, soaking in our little girl. We made it home two days later. Our house was very different, but it felt so right. We had our sweet Crosbi. We were complete.

To read Crosbi's birth story from Todd's perspective, check out his version here.

These Days

2012-02-02T22:31:00.000-06:00

I'm reading...

Emerging Mummy. Crosbi wakes up to eat each morning a little before 5am and while she's eating and drifting in and out of sleep, I read Sarah Bessey's blog. I have been challenged so much by her writing and now I look forward to waking early to snuggle with my little girl and soak in Sarah's daily entry. Sarah writes a lot about motherhood, marriage and challenging the church. Sarah's words in a recent post have become a new mantra of mine as I journey through motherhood: my little one imitates the woman I am today, not the woman I was once or hope to be. Who I am right now is who Crosbi will look up to, not the better version of myself I hope to be one day, or the "cooler" version I thought I was five years ago. What great accountability to live in the moment and be truly intentional with my life. Thanks for introducing me to this blog, Allison!

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I'm listening to...

JJ Heller. If you are a mom, an aunt to a young niece or nephew, a nanny or a volunteer in your church's nursery, I'm insisting that you stop what you're doing, download JJ Heller's "The Boat Song," memorize the words and sing it to the little ones in your life. The first time I really listened to the lyrics, I knew it was the lullaby I would sing to Crosbi from that point on. I sing it to her daily. It is such a sweet song and it puts in words how I feel about my sweet girl.

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I'm eating...

While I'm officially obsessed with Pinterest, largely in part to all of the great recipes, I've had to simplify and put a system together in our house for meal times. A co-worker introduced me to E-Mealz a few months ago and I gave it a shot. Unfortunately after a couple of weeks on the Kroger plan, I realized the menu was filled with lots of dishes Todd and I would never eat, so I canceled my subscription. But then a couple of weeks ago I got an e-mail that E-Mealz now has a Whole Foods plan. I took a glance at the sample menu and it looked great. My trick? I use the Whole Foods Plan but still shop at Kroger (shhh...don't tell anyone!). If I see a meal or two that I'm not fond of, I substitute it with one of my easy go-to recipes or with one I've seen on Pinterest.

If you're not familiar with E-Mealz, it's a program that provides a weekly menu and grocery list based on the grocery store you choose. The recipes are based off the weekly sales the store is running, so that you buy a week's worth of dinners for around $50. Not too shabby!

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I'm wanting...

A new wardrobe. Todd has been antsy to make a trip to Atlanta, our favorite place for a quick weekend trip. Atlanta is great for shopping because there are so many stores there that we don't have in Nashville. I told him that as soon as I get back to my pre-pregnancy weight (10 more pounds to go!) we could make a trip down so I could reward myself with some new clothes. I have my eye on a new pair of TOMS and just about anything from Madewell. Looks like I've got some working out to do!

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But really, these days I spend nearly all of my time with this little peanut, and there is nothing else in the world I would rather be doing. These days are good days.

Worth The Weight

2012-01-24T20:22:00.000-06:00

If you have read this little blog of mine for very long or are friends with me on Facebook, you may have noticed that I have not posted a picture of myself in oh, months. I always pictured myself being a cute pregnant person. I was only going to gain 25 pounds and be all belly. One of those women who you couldn't tell was pregnant if you saw her from behind. Well, that wasn't the case. On the day Crosbi was born, I jumped on the scale (not the wisest move I could have made) to see what my final pregnancy weight was. More than anything, I wanted to be able to see just how much I lost while in the hospital. The number below me was painful to look at. I had gained 42 pounds. Forty-two pounds! How did that happen? Actually, I know how it happened. Sitting on the couch while eating chocolate chip cookies every night will do that to a person.

The last two months of my pregnancy I really packed on the pounds and it was evident. Especially in my face. I wrote several times about how insecure I had become, how chubby my cheeks were. I hated having my picture taken. I was so insecure that when I saw someone hold up a camera, it was all I could do to not cry and beg them to not take my picture. Instead I made everyone in the room swear not to post any pictures of me online. I didn't want there to be any evidence of what I had done to myself.

Two months after the birth of my sweet girl, I regret my behavior. No, I don't regret not letting people put my photos online (the whole world didn't need to see my fat face), but I regret that I stopped taking photos of myself entirely. I don't have photos from the last 30ish weeks of my pregnancy. You won't see many of me in the hospital, and Crosbi was five weeks old before I had my first "real" picture taken with her.

When I think about that, I'm saddened. So I've decided to make another New Years resolution. I'm going to be open to any and all pictures with my baby girl. I don't want her flipping through her baby book one day and asking, "Why are there no pictures of Mommy?" More importantly, I don't want to ever have to tell her that there were no pictures because mommy felt fat. That's not the example I want to set for her. So, as part of my new efforts, you may start to see more pictures of me on this blog - chubby face and all.

Without further adieu...

New Years Eve. Crosbi stayed up until midnight to watch the ball drop with us. Such a special moment kissing my two loves as we rang in the new year.

This photo was just taken today. Crosbi made her very first trip to the zoo. Being a mommy is already so much fun. We're going to have a blast visiting the zoo as she grows.

I just love that little girl and am so excited to create many more sweet memories with her.

Imagination Library

2012-01-20T15:21:00.001-06:00

I could write for days on why I love living in Tennessee and how I'm thrilled to be raising my little girl in the South. I secretly hope she says things like "ya'll" and you better believe we'll be teaching her "Yes Ma'am and No Sir."

One of the perks of living in Tennessee is that it's the home of Dolly Parton. No, not because we can go to Dollywood, but because of the incredible book program she has for children living in the state. In the mid 90s, Dolly created Imagination Library, a reading program that provides one book each month for children in Tennessee ages 0-5.

The vision:

In 1996, Dolly Parton launched an exciting new effort, Dolly Parton's Imagination Library, to benefit the children of her home county in East Tennessee, USA. Dolly's vision was to foster a love of reading among her county’s preschool children and their families by providing them with the gift of a specially selected book each month. By mailing high quality, age-appropriate books directly to their homes, she wanted children to be excited about books and to feel the magic that books can create. Moreover, she could insure that every child would have books, regardless of their family’s income.

Signing up was so easy. I just entered Crosbi's birth date and address. That's it!

Crosbi received her first book this month. I know I was definitely more excited than she was, but I'm sure that will change in the months and years to come. Todd and I already enjoy reading to Crosbi. We can't wait until she's picking out her favorite books and jumping on our laps to have them read to her.

So we say thanks, Dolly! Crosbi and I are very excited to build our very own Imagination Library!

For more information about Dolly's Imagination Library and/or to bring the program to your state, check out her website.

The In Between

2012-01-17T20:18:00.000-06:00

At 9:18pm last night, Crosbi officially turned eight weeks old. I honestly don't know how two months have already gone by. In some ways it feels like C has been here for months, but at the same time, it feels like we just met. I guess that's because we're still getting to know each other. That's a hard concept. You would think since I carried her in my belly for nine months I would have her completely figured out, but instead each day I'm learning more about her. It's funny. She's the love of my life and still a stranger.

Right now I feel like I'm caught in the in between. I'm a mom, yet I don't really know what I'm doing, so that title seems unmerited. I'm not pregnant, but I still have 15 pounds to lose to get back to my pre-pregnancy weight, so my body doesn't feel like my own. I'm spending the days soaking up my daughter, yet slightly missing the creative and social outlet of my job. I guess I don't really know who I am. I don't write this to gain sympathy. It's not a complaint. It's just a new way of life that I'm trying to get the hang of. The weeks immediately following Crosbi's birth were solely about survival. Now that I have a bit of routine (if you can call it that), I'm more aware of my new life. When they say, "A Baby Changes Everything." They're not kidding. Having a baby is absolutely the hardest thing I've ever done. There are moments during the day when I want to go in the other room and scream in my pillow. But at the same time, being a mom is the most incredible thing I've ever done. After a day of nursing, changing diapers (I caught poop in my hand yesterday), peek-a-boo, etc., I feel like I haven't accomplished a thing. But then I catch a glimpse of Crosbi in her crib as she's going down for the night and I'm so proud I could burst. Such a strange thing, motherhood.

Some days, like today, are challenging. Crosbi is just like her dad when it comes to naps. She refuses to sleep during the day. The hard part is that I can see how tired she is, but she fights sleep. Thankfully she sleeps well during the night. I'm learning I have to pick my battles. Patience has never been a strength of mine. It looks like God is going to change that.

So here I am, eight weeks into my new identity. I'm learning a lot. That's an understatement. I'm learning more than I have in my entire life. I'm learning more about my daughter each day, but more than that, I'm learning about myself. The good, the bad and the ugly. I'm learning I can't do this alone.

I can't end this post without a picture of my Tink! Seriously, I have the cutest baby in the whole world.

And just to keep it real, I have to add this photo of Crosbi laughing. It's horribly blurry, but it makes me smile. I love that girl.

As soon as I find the time, I'll be back with Crosbi's two month update!

Crosbi: One Month

2012-01-09T14:22:00.000-06:00

Our little girl is getting so big! She's technically 7 weeks old today, but we're still shy of two months, so I'm still good on calling this a one month post, right? I remember thinking about my maternity leave and how much spare time I would have to document every move Crosbi made. That's not so much the case. Between diaper changes and feedings, I don't have a lot of spare time. Thankfully C cooperated in a one-month photo shoot. Well, semi-cooperated. She was done about five minutes in.

Crosbi Adelle's One Month Stats:

*Weighing in at 11 pounds, 13 ounces and 23.5 inches long.
*She's starting to smile! It's so fun, but still rare. We take what we can get.
*She's getting really good at holding her head up. She thinks she's such a big girl.
*She's sleeping great at night. Typically 6-7 hours straight after daddy sings to her.
*She loves Mr. Lion on her activity mat.
*Bath time is her favorite.
*Already a music lover. Chris Tomlin seems to be her preference these days.
*Nicknames: "Tink" (began as stinker, then stink and eventually just became Tink). Todd calls her "Monk" short for monkey. Poor girl. We call her by nicknames so much that I had to stop and think about what her real name was once. I lost mommy points that day.

It's hard to believe that 7 weeks ago I was in labor, about to meet my little girl. Time is flying!

Looking Back: A Recap of 2011

2012-01-02T21:25:00.000-06:00

What a difference a year can make! I don't think my life could have changed as much in one year as it did in 2011. I'm a new person. I'm a mom. It still doesn't seem possible. Below is a little recap of the past life changing, crazy 365 days.

January

Last January began in a funk. I was dealing with some personal issues that I was ready to leave behind. I knew that 2011 had to be different. It was in January that I took a stand and made some changes. It was also when I realized I wanted to think about someone other than myself. I wanted a family. But that would happen a little later...

In January I had the honor of hosting a baby shower for Allison, one of my closest friends. It was so fun celebrating her and the upcoming arrival of her precious little guy, Brody. I decided to get more practice in the kitchen. My new food processor came in handy. I attempted to make some home decor changes too. I was kicking off the year in full speed.

February

Todd and I hadn't fully committed to the idea of starting a family, so we dreamed of other ways to spend our money. A lake home seemed like a great idea. Keeping with the lake theme, I continued my home decor projects and gave our guest bathroom a makeover. I didn't do a lot of my own writing in February, but I managed to give some of my favorite bloggers praise.

March

March was a big month. Todd and I took a much needed trip to Seattle. Little did we know I was pregnant the entire time. Although, some crazy cravings during our layover in Denver on the way home tipped us off. I found out I was pregnant the morning of March 10th, but it would be several weeks before anyone else would know.

April

No blog posts or photos in April. It's almost as if April didn't exist because I was in such a fog. A certain little baby girl was making me extremely sick. I was in survival mode, but barely surviving. It was awful, but definitely worth it.

May

Another month of sickness, but I was able to make one exciting blog post. We finally announced to everyone that we were pregnant. Todd and I thought we might explode if we didn't get the news out. Finally we could talk openly about our little peanut.

June

Another exciting month. I was finally starting to show and we found out the sex of Baby S. A little girl! We shared the big news at a special reveal party with family in Missouri. While Todd and I both thought we wanted a boy, it would only be a matter of time before we discovered God knew best all along. How silly of me to think otherwise. We wouldn't trade our precious girl for anything in the world. June proved to be a month of spiritual growth as I realized the great responsibility of raising a godly young woman.

July

I was still stressing about motherhood, but planning the nursery was a great distraction. Celebrating Suz's 30th birthday helped get my mind off things as well. Such a fun outdoor movie party. My belly was definitely starting to pop as I hit the halfway mark. I got the chance to show off my bump at my 10 year high school reunion at the end of the month.

August

Baby S became Miss Crosbi Adelle when we publicly announced C's name. I entered my third trimester so I got a little crafty in the nursery and Todd and I took a quick trip to St. Louis with his parents. Our last getaway as a family of two.

September

My belly continued to get bigger and bigger. Todd and I began weekly brunch dates as we looked forward to Crosbi's arrival and we threw in one last trip to Missouri to see family and have our maternity photos taken.

October

The month began with a baby shower thrown by friends here in Nashville. The fall was filled with several fun showers. We were so blessed to celebrate Crosbi's upcoming arrival with family and friends. October was a bit stressful as we were just weeks from meeting our little girl. So much to do in such little time. But we survived!

November

The month my life changed forever. Crosbi's due date came and went and we were getting so anxious to meet her. I struggled with the idea of being induced, but my prayers were answered when I went into labor naturally the morning of the 21st (more on that when I post Crosbi's birth story in the coming weeks). Definitely one of the best months of my entire life.

December

We wrapped up the year spending lots of quality time at home getting to know our little girl and settling in as a family of three. The month ended with Crosbi's first road trip of many to Missouri for Christmas.

Todd and I will look back at 2011 for the rest of our lives. The year God called us to be parents. The year we realized we are not in control. The year we were challenged and strengthened. The year we finally understood what love is. The year we grew up.

Thank you, God for this past year. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.

Christmas in the Ozarks

2011-12-29T14:40:00.000-06:00

Crosbi has been enjoying her first Christmas with family in Missouri. As I write this we're soaking in a little quiet time, just the two of us. She has met so many people over the past few days and while she's been a trooper, she has been a bit overwhelmed. So has her mama. I'm finally able to take a few deep breaths, look through some pictures and get back to my blog. It only took us getting to the last day of our trip for it to feel like a vacation, but that's okay. C is loved by so many people who just couldn't wait to see her. She is one blessed little girl.

Since we arrived in Missouri last Friday afternoon, Crosbi has spent lots of time with family.

She cuddled with Grandpa Dave and loved when he got out his guitar to sing songs to her. She especially likes Jesus Loves Me.

She met her Uncle Drew for the first time. It's so crazy that my 17 year old brother is an uncle, but he's a pretty great one. I have a feeling he and Crosbi are going to be buddies.

She also met her great grandparents for the first time.

Grandma Jo couldn't believe she already weighs more than 10 pounds!

She met her cousin Emerson. These two are going to be partners in crime.

She opened lots of gifts. So many that they won't all fit in the car.

But her favorite time was spent lounging in her slippers taking nap after nap, after nap.

Christmas will never be the same!

Three Weeks

2011-12-15T09:24:00.000-06:00

It's hard to believe my little girl has been in my life for three weeks. She continues to amaze me every single day. I have been unbelievably blessed. Crosbi is such a happy baby. At her last doctor's appointment, her doctor said to me, "What a relaxed baby!" I told my dad this and he said she obviously doesn't get that from me. It's true. She's just like her daddy in the best ways.

She's sleeping great too. Last night she slept for six hours, ate and fell asleep for another two and a half hours. How did we get so lucky? Even if she were waking up more frequently during the night, I couldn't complain. She never cries, just squeaks a bit until I make my way to her. The expression on her face when she first wakes up is my absolute favorite. I may be half asleep, but when I look at her I immediately perk up, kiss her sweet face and thank God for the incredible gift He has given me. One thing about late night feedings, it allows lots of good prayer time, and for that I'm thankful. Speaking of prayers, Allison gave me the best book: Prayers for New Mothers. I cry every time I read it, but it's so spot on for where I am right now. I can't recommend it enough.

As amazing as Crosbi is, there are a few things that I'm still trying to get used to. I wish I would have known how difficult nursing would be. Labor was a breeze compared to breastfeeding! I'm determined not to give up. We will get it figured out. I love being needed so much by my sweet girl and I know how good it is for her. Sooner or later we'll get it together.

Leaving the house is tough too. Todd and I attempted to get some Christmas shopping done last night. We made it to one store before I called it quits. I was exhausted, Crosbi was hungry. It was a bit crazy. I'll be so glad when she's on a better schedule so that I can leave the house more often. I'm feeling a bit trapped in the four walls of our home, but I know this will pass and I don't want to wish away this time with my girl.

Next week we head to Missouri for Christmas. Prayers are definitely appreciated! We need to survive a 14-16 round trip car ride and our efforts to give the grandparents equal time with Crosbi could get ugly. I've never been this nervous about a trip. A drama free Christmas is all I'm asking for this year.

I'll be back with C's one month update, and as we get into a better routine, I'll try to not make this blog "mommy central." Right now being mommy is a 24-hour job, but I don't want to lose the old me. We'll get it sorted out eventually!

Big Day Out

2011-12-05T10:40:00.001-06:00

My mom went home yesterday and Todd went back to work this morning. Needless to say, my morning started with a lot of tears. But Crosbi and I are doing great so far. It's not even 11am and I have a fed, napping baby and I'm showered and dressed for the day. Not a bad start. We're just both missing Todd like crazy.

Before my mom left, we went out on our first family outing. I had been wanting to go to the Porter Flea for months and had hoped it would be my first big trip out of the house. I'm glad we made it. We scrambled to pack Crosbi's bag and jump in the car, knowing the nearly hour round trip drive would take a big chunk of our time and C may not make it too long. Thankfully she proved us wrong. She did great in the car and slept the entire time we were out shopping. She definitely calmed any fears I had of getting out of the house with her. Once we get her in a better routine, we'll be out and about a lot.

A few photos from our trip to East Nashville:

Crosbi might have slept the entire time, but we were more than okay with that!

We're heading out soon for our first trip just the two of us. C has a doctor's appointment to check if she's gaining enough weight. The rain is pouring outside, making me a little nervous. Wish us luck!

*Update: I rescheduled the appointment. It's storming like crazy here. Not ideal for my first trip alone with my little girl. We'll try again tomorrow!

What I've Learned (Week 1)

2011-12-02T21:55:00.001-06:00

For someone who didn't have a whole lot of experience with babies, this past week I've taken a crash course in Babies 101 and my confidence is growing. Crosbi and I had an immediate connection and she has given me so much patience as I learn the ins and outs of being a mommy. While this past week has been filled with lots of rest, healing and cuddles with my sweet little girl, I've learned a few things along the way.

For instance, I learned a "Sitz Bath" is literally just a bath that you sit in. I would be lying if I said I didn't look for a box of Sitz at Walgreens. Thankfully I was in a hurry or I would have definitely asked the cashier where the Sitz was located. I'm so glad my wonderful nurse at the hospital filled me in. Who knew?

I invested in some great baby products. A few have made this past week so much easier than it could have been.

If you're a friend of mine, and you invite me to your baby shower, I'm probably going to buy you a Miracle Blanket whether you registered for it or not. Once Crosbi is swaddled in her MB, she is sound asleep. Twice she has slept five hours straight during the night. Not too bad for a twelve day old baby! This blanket definitely lives up to its name.

The Simplisse Gia Nursing Pillow has been great too. I was going to get a Boppy, but I did a lot of research and found so many great reviews on the Simplisse. It's angled design keeps Crosbi's head inclined so that I don't have to lift her head with my hands. She seems to love it.

The Itzbeen Timer has lived up to its hype as well. I'm not really sure what I would do without it. If you were to ask me the last time Crosbi has been fed or changed I would probably look at you with a blank stare. It has been so great to just look at this little timer and be reminded. Although, the reminders seem to get closer and closer together. I'll take a glance at the timer and think, "What? It's already time for her to eat again?"

More than anything, I have learned what nobody could have ever told me...how much I would fall in love with my little girl. I wasn't prepared to feel love like this. I look at her and my heart hurts. When I put her down at night, I instantly miss her. I don't want a minute to pass that I'm not with her. Everyone tried to explain this to me, but until I met her, I could never understand. She is my world. My fears of losing time with Todd have vanished. I see him when I look at her. My heart is overflowing and I thank God for this new place he has brought us. I'm so undeserving of joy like this. But I will praise Him and offer my thanks by loving the two angels He has given me well.

Alright, I need to stop before I can't see the screen through my tears. Plus I'm sure the Itzbeen Timer will be reminding me how hungry my daughter is soon!

Hello World

2011-11-25T08:38:00.001-06:00

Our lives officially changed forever on Monday, November 21st at 9:18pm. Crosbi Adelle made her debut weighing in at 8 pounds, 11 ounces and 19 inches long. She's a short little thing!

We are absolutely head over heels in love with our little girl. We can't get enough of her.

I have so much more to say, but don't quite have the energy yet to say it. I'll be back soon. For now, I'm going to go snuggle with my sweet baby.

Thanks to all for your prayers, encouraging words and comments. We feel the love!

The Waiting Game

2011-11-19T18:06:00.001-06:00

For months I have stared at November 16th on the calendar. That date will forever be permanently stamped on my brain, so it's a bit strange knowing it passed us by three days ago. I really thought I might have this baby early. I'm not sure why I thought that way. My mom was a week overdue with me and my sister. Maybe it was just wishful thinking. These last few weeks of pregnancy haven't been the easiest. I know that's the case for every expecting woman. By the end, you're just ready to not feel pregnant anymore. I felt that way until my due date came and went.

At my last doctor's appointment, ironically on November 16th, we learned that I have still not made any progress. The baby hasn't dropped. I haven't dilated. Nothing. Zero. I haven't had one contraction. I thought I had experienced Braxton Hicks, but now I'm not sure I ever did. It may have just been Crosbi stretching out her tiny arms and legs all along. Yet, I'm scheduled to be induced on Monday night. My initial thought was, "Sure, that makes sense. I'll be five days late. No reason to keep stalling." But now my thoughts have drastically changed and I'm having an all out battle in my mind about being induced. I just don't want to force my body to do something it's not ready to do. My little girl may not be ready. She's safe and sound in my belly. My blood pressure is as close to perfect as it can be, she still has plenty of room to squirm around, and other than feeling huge, I'm doing fine. I just feel so torn. I trust my doctor and when he says he's not concerned that I haven't dilated, that I could still have a completely normal delivery, I believe him. But, I'm really starting to think I should let nature run its course and when Crosbi is ready to make her appearance, she will be sure to let me know. This has been one of the hardest decisions I have ever had to make.

Todd has been incredible. He supports my decision either way. I have an appointment on Monday before we're admitted to the hospital. If I haven't made any progress, I may have to give it another day or two. I have to be able to walk away if I don't feel comfortable moving forward. I'm praying for discernment. I don't want to make a decision out of fear of labor. I want to do what is best for by body and more importantly, my baby. Ideally, I would go into labor naturally and have the decision made for me.

To my close friends and family who keep up with this little blog, I ask for your prayers. Todd and I are praying that God will give us wisdom and discernment. This is one of the first big decisions we will make as parents, and we want it to be the right one.

For now, I'm going to wrap this up and spend the rest of the evening curled up with my husband. We have had such a great day. The weather couldn't be better. We enjoyed one final pre-baby brunch at Noshville, loaded up on our favorite things from Trader Joe's, and even stopped for ice cream. When we got home we were immediately back in our pajamas and back in bed where we have been for hours reading, napping and watching TV. Because we can.

Thanks for all of the incredible support during this crazy journey of pregnancy. Your encouragement has made even my hardest days a little easier and I have never felt so covered in prayer. I can absolutely say I have not walked this road alone. Thank you.

I have a feeling my next post will be a big announcement that our little girl has entered our world.

Surreal.

Stay tuned...

39 Weeks (and counting!)

2011-11-10T14:10:00.001-06:00

I have done a horrible job of blogging this last trimester. For one, I've been awful at remembering to take pictures of my belly. I know I'm going to regret that. I was uploading photos and posted a belly pic from 38 weeks and realized the last belly shot was from 31 weeks. A lot changed during that time!

Todd and I have been staying busy. I have yet to experience the crazy nesting urge, but I have been wanting to get the house ready. The nursery is practically finished. The walls are bare, but I want to fill them with photos of Crosbi, so the "big reveal" may still be a few weeks away. I figure I'll have lots of time on my hands during my maternity leave, and I can get the room just the way I want it instead of throwing things on the walls just to feel like I finished it before she arrives. Add in the fact that Pinterest is daily giving me new ideas, I don't feel so bad in taking my time!

Yesterday I had my 39 week doctor's appointment. I was really hoping to have made some progress since I hadn't made any at 38 weeks. Unfortunately I was told again that I have not dilated at all. I'm glad friends had told me that being checked can be really uncomfortable. I went in prepared, but left sore and crampy. Just a sign of things to come, I suppose! Thankfully the baby is head down, she just hasn't dropped yet. I'm hoping the full moon tonight will be enough of a gravitational pull to get her in the right direction. We will see! I'm just hoping she's not packing on the pounds these last few weeks. I was nearly 10 pounds when I was born, and I'm not too thrilled about the idea of delivering a large baby. But more than anything, I just want her to be healthy. It's crazy the fears that can fill your mind as you near the end. I've definitely had a few breakdowns when I start to think about labor and delivery and meeting my daughter for the first time. It's really overwhelming.

In other news, since I'm feeling fairly confident that I may go late, I've accepted the fact that I may spend Thanksgiving in the hospital this year. Because of that, I'm already getting excited for Christmas. It will be so wild to have a baby in the house this year. One of the things that always gets me in the holiday spirit is buying new Christmas ornaments. A few years ago I decided to go all silver and gold on our tree and I still love the way those colors look together. While shopping for ornaments isn't the best way to spend our money right now, I lucked out with a gift card and coupon to Pottery Barn and gave myself a little retail therapy.

Plus, I had to get Crosbi her first ornament, right?

Anyone else in the holiday spirit? Maybe I'm just needing a really good distraction these days!

Girl Power

2011-10-28T11:24:00.000-05:00

As the arrival of our little girl becomes closer by the day, I've found myself being more reflective. In my quiet time, I think about my hopes and dreams for my daughter and the woman she will eventually become. It's when I think about her future that I am in awe of what a great responsibility God has placed in front of me and I sometimes struggle with the fact that He has given me the task of raising her (along with her dad, of course!). I in no way have it together, and now I will teach this little girl from my experiences and mistakes. It's a bit overwhelming.

I've never really prayed specific characteristics over her. I want her to be exactly the person God has called her to be. I would love if she has her father's sense of humor and laid back outlook on life. I hope she's driven like me and chases her dreams even when it's scary. I hope she loves the outdoors and getting dirty like I did when I was little and that she has the athletic ability of her dad and the musical ability of my father. I hope she laughs a lot. But she may come into my world and be quiet and reserved like her mother, and instead of laid back, a bit high strung like me too. She may love pink and ruffles and cringe at dirt. She might hate the Cardinals (gasp!). But she will be uniquely her and I can't wait to get to know her.

While I don't pray specific traits over her, there is one prayer that seeps into my mind constantly (aside from praying that she will follow Jesus at a young age and be on fire for God. I want her to do big things for His kingdom). But after that, I pray she will have amazing girlfriends in her life. I know without a doubt that she will be shaped more by her friends than by me and Todd. I know this, because it has been true in my life. I have been so fortunate to have always been surrounded by incredible women.

I'm excited for Crosbi to get to know the women in my life that I love like crazy and for her to seek her own similar friendships. My girls give me strength that I can't define. They carry me when I'm too weak to walk and they challenge me to be a better me. Oh, that Crosbi would have that.

I can't wait for her to have sleepovers and a part of me can't wait for the day that I have to tell her and her friends to go to bed because it's 2am and they're still up talking and laughing. I want to be there for her when her friends turn their backs on her, and celebrate with her when God restores those friendships and makes them better than ever. I pray even now that God will place godly women around her as she grows and that she will love women and not feel the need to compete with them.

This week I was able to sneak away for some girl time with my sweet friend, Christi. We walked arm in arm and talked about our lives and what the future holds. I left strongly convicted that I can't let being a mom cause me to be so busy that I don't have time for my girlfriends. They are good for my soul. I know that Crosbi will see that and be encouraged as she grows to find her own group of girlfriends who make her feel more loved than she can imagine.

Sweet Crosbi, I hope you know that you have the freedom to be whoever you want to be. I pray that you will love Jesus with all your heart. That you will have a crazy passion for God and His people. And I pray that He would surround you with women that will enforce both of those things as He has for me. I love you.

Down to the Wire

2011-10-21T15:38:00.000-05:00

I am officially overwhelmed. There is one tell-tale sign in my life that my brain is overloaded and each time it happens (sadly it has happened way too many times), I feel like I'm spinning out of control. It's trivial really, but it's an alarm for me and today I'm trying hard to just breathe.

I woke up this morning in a grumpy mood. I didn't sleep much last night. I don't sleep most nights. I've actually started staying up late with Todd, even choosing to watch baseball with him rather than attempting to sleep because my bed has become a torture chamber in my bedroom. A physical reminder of a sleepless night filled with tossing and turning, restless legs, leg cramps and frequent trips to the bathroom. So I woke up exhausted and forced myself into the bathroom where I cried during my shower, slowly pulling it together by the time I headed downstairs for breakfast. Then it happened. I grabbed my purse, my iced chai and opened the door to our garage. I reached to open the door to my car. Nothing. Locked. Keys inside. Meltdown.

The week Todd and I got married I locked my keys in my car twice. It wouldn't be such a big deal if it wasn't such an expensive mistake. The fee for today's lockout was $60. I did the same thing just a couple of months ago. I think the locksmith company is starting to count on me to make their monthly quotas. The sight of car keys in my locked car has become a red flag that I need to slow down.

Today I got smart. I called our insurance company this morning and for $4 per year, I am now covered on all lockouts. With a baby on the way, this is a much needed investment!

My due date is less than a month away and there is still so much to be done. Thankfully a few of the big things have been crossed off my list: finalizing maternity leave plans, installing the car seat, pre-registering at the hospital, etc. But my to-do list continues to fill up, not only with baby things but preparing to leave work for three months is a chore of it's own. A quick look at my current to-do list would look something like this:

I know I will never feel prepared for a new baby, but I'm starting to panic. To my mom friends out there, how did you handle the last month? Were you better about planning and had everything done months in advance? Did you have meltdowns like I'm having? Were you calm and collected? If so, please share your tips. This flustered mommy-to-be will take all the help she can get!

I can tell you one thing, this overwhelming feeling has helped kick my prayer life into gear. I know that I need to lean on God's strength and not my own. My weakness has been a good reminder that I can't do this alone. I was never meant to.Why do we as women feel the need to have it all together all the time? That's a post for another time...

Until then, have a great weekend and make sure your keys are in hand before you lock your car doors!

Breaking the Bank

2011-10-14T14:41:00.000-05:00

If I had a nickel for every time someone told me that little girls' clothes are more fun, I would have a nice little chunk of change. But, funny enough I'm finding that the cutest clothes for little girls are in toddler sizes. I'm having the hardest time finding things I love in newborn or 0-6 months that aren't pink. Don't get me wrong, pink is great, I just don't need my girl's closet to look like a giant bottle of Pepto Bismol exploded in it.

Thankfully the good folks at H&M understand my dilemma and have the cutest clothes for age 2 months and up. I just have a slight problem. We don't have an H&M! But, I do have a mom who has an H&M in her city and I think we're going to have to come up with some type of ordering system. I'm thinking I send her a list of the items I want and a check, she does the shopping and ships to my house (making her Grandma of the century) and everybody wins!

Seriously, with clothes this cute (and incredibly affordable), how can I resist? My little girl may break the bank, but I can't wait to dress her. I just need to get the nursery finished so her little outfits have a place to go. Hoping to have nursery photos soon!

Showered with Love

2011-10-11T17:02:00.000-05:00

This past Friday night I had my last baby shower in Nashville with close friends and coworkers. It was absolutely incredible and a great way to wrap up a season of baby showers and celebrating Crosbi's coming arrival. My girls went above and beyond - the attention to detail, the whimsical accessories, the delicious treats, I could go on and on. To top it off, my mom flew in from North Carolina to spend the weekend with us and was finally able to meet the girls I've been telling her about for years. It was a magical weekend, one I will never forget.

An incredibly talented friend (Erica) made the adorable diaper 3-wheeler below. How cool is that? I can't get myself to take it apart!

I love these girls. They really spoiled me!

Since I'm on a roll with pictures, I'll go ahead and add some more from my showers in Missouri. Lauren was sweet enough to remind me that I didn't blog about them, and I do need to acknowledge them! The problem is that I was so busy visiting family and friends that I barely took any pictures. Hopefully my family will send more my way. Until then...

I will be 35 weeks tomorrow. I'm ready to not be pregnant, but I'm also starting to panic a little bit. I haven't really thought about what life will be like when C gets here. I don't know what I'm doing when it comes to babies! Surprisingly labor isn't making me nearly as fearful as I imagined. Instead, I think about things like our first ride home from the hospital. Our first night with her home. Life after my mom leaves and Todd goes back to work. Eek!

Breathe, Tara! I have such an amazing support system. My mom just kept reminding me of that after meeting so many of my friends with little ones of their own. She couldn't believe how many of my girlfriends are in the same stage of life and will be able to answer any questions I might have. I'm so thankful for that.

So Crosbi, keep getting chubby while we wait on you. You're probably not going to get too much longer and are currently weighing around five pounds. Mommy would be thrilled if you decide to only gain about two more between now and your arrival! But as long as you're healthy, I don't mind if you're a big baby. That's what epidurals are for!

Seven Weeks and Counting

2011-09-29T20:51:00.000-05:00

A little less than seven weeks to go until our due date. How crazy is that? I still have a million things to do before our little girl arrives and I'm feeling a bit overwhelmed. Definitely thankful that my mom will be in town this weekend to help. Also excited for my last baby shower here in Nashville with my close girlfriends. Lots of fun things coming up.

While Todd and I have been super busy traveling, working, getting the house ready for a new baby, etc., we have decided to be really intentional about our time together these next few weeks. Every weekend from now until the big day, we're having a brunch date. There's just something different about going to brunch rather than going out for dinner. We take our time. We sip our coffee (or in my case last weekend, a perfect cup of decaf Earl Gray with milk and honey). We have great conversation and ease into our day.

One of my hesitations about starting a family in the first place was losing my one-on-one time with Todd, but I think being intentional before the baby gets here will help when our little girl arrives. I think one of the most important things we can do for her is honor our marriage and our commitment to each other. I want our daughter to seek a marriage like the one she grew up around. It's a huge responsibility, but it's a challenge I will gladly take.

To make things a bit interesting, we're going to a different place for brunch every weekend. This past weekend we kicked things off at Marcia's Patisserie in Downtown Franklin. It's a bit pricey for breakfast (especially when they serve the same coffee that is available in my office), but the food was good and the atmosphere is great. Lots of outdoor seating.

I turn 29 on Saturday. Brunch will be a great way to celebrate. I can't believe this will be my last year in my twenties! But, I'll be spending the year with my new daughter. Can't think of a better way to end this decade.

Wrapping up 33 weeks this week. Baby girl is now nearly 4 pounds and around 17 inches long. She is definitely making herself known. I don't even concern myself with counting kicks like the books recommend. She moves so much that I sometimes enjoy the break when she's asleep. We might really have our hands full when she gets here!

Maternity Photo Session

2011-09-26T16:17:00.001-05:00

First, I apologize for the repeat information. If you follow me on Facebook, you have most likely seen some of the photos from our maternity photo session a couple of weeks ago, but I thought I would showcase them on the blog too.

Our friend Christian did an incredible job of capturing the day for us. I have to admit, I almost backed out of having our pictures taken altogether. The morning of the shoot I woke up cranky, tired and with a horrible attitude. We had been going a million miles an hour with baby showers and visiting family, and I was having a really bad "poor me" day. I felt huge, and didn't want to spend the day capturing how horrible I felt I looked. I'll blame it on the hormones. Thankfully I snapped out of it, and I'm so glad I did. Christian could obviously read my mind and really focused on the fact that I'm carrying a miracle inside of me and not on my chubby cheeks. It's pretty great to have a photographer that "gets it." I'm so happy with how our photos turned out. The memories from that day will last a lifetime.

What really made the day special was when Christian explained to us that many couples don't feel comfortable together getting photos taken. I get that. It's always awkward having a camera in your face, but he said Todd and I were just so naturally comfortable around each other. It was such a special reminder that not only is God blessing me with an amazing little girl, but that I get to raise her with my best friend in the entire world. There is nobody I'm more comfortable around. I'm more comfortable in my own skin when Todd is around. I really, really love that boy.

So, if you're up for seeing our photos again, here you go!

Such a special day...and the rain made it even better!

29 Weeks

2011-09-11T16:16:00.001-05:00

It has been a bit crazy in the Stepp house. Last weekend we made a quick trip to Missouri to celebrate two special people who both turned 50 - my dad and Todd's mom. Their birthdays are three days apart which makes it easy on us! Traveling was a bit more difficult than in trips past. On our way home, I was incredibly uncomfortable. I don't know if it was the baby's position or just stomach pain, but at one point we had to pull over and I got on my hands and knees in a parking lot to relieve pressure off of my upper belly. It made me a little nervous, but thankfully the pressure went away and I haven't felt anything like it since. Oh the joys of pregnancy!

We returned and I had one evening at home before taking my last work trip before the baby comes. It's becoming very surreal that we are in the final stretch of this pregnancy. It becomes more real when I say things like, "my last work trip." The biggest conference in my industry is in Orlando at Walt Disney World every year. I figured if I had to travel one last time, why not make it the "most magical place on earth?" It was great to see colleagues and friends from radio stations I have made over the years. Everyone seemed so genuinely excited for me and offered wonderful pieces of advice.

While in Orlando I got the chance to see a dear friend from college, Lara, who was a bridesmaid in my wedding. She is due with her little girl next week. I'm sure we were pretty entertaining to watch. Just figuring out how to hug each other with our huge bellies was funny enough! I'm so thankful I got the chance to spend time with her before we both become mothers.

I haven't been great at taking photos of myself. I've been super self-conscious about my weight gain, which I know is silly. But to be honest, the weight just keeps on coming. I've actually already gained the amount I wanted to gain during the entire pregnancy and I have 9 weeks to go! But, I'm going to suck it up. Todd and I have a maternity photo session scheduled for next weekend and I'm sure the photos will be amazing. A good friend and photographer has agreed to take them. Christian (you have to check out his work) was actually my first "boyfriend" in the 5th grade. I thought I was going to marry him. I was ten. But it is pretty funny to think about. My first boyfriend will be taking pictures of me and my husband and our soon-to-be first child!

Crosbi is doing great. She weighs about three pounds and is nearly 16 inches long. She's getting really strong! I think I'm enjoying her kicks more now than I have the entire pregnancy. Can't wait to meet our little girl!

*I'm technically 30 weeks now (almost 31) for those keeping count. I'm just behind on the blog. I'll catch up soon!

Hello, Third Trimester!

2011-08-29T14:19:00.000-05:00

Last Wednesday I officially crossed over into the third trimester. That used to seem so far away. I remember a few months ago thinking about my to-do list and items that I could hold off on until late August or September. I feel like I blinked and here it is!

While mentally I don't feel like it's possible to be in the final stretch, physically I'm there. I'm already feeling so uncomfortable. Not sleeping through the night is one thing, and I almost feel like I'm fairly used to it. It's the exhaustion and soreness that are taking a toll on me now. After a long day at work or a packed day of getting things done around the house, I'm spent. It's hard for me because I've always been really active. Needing to rest after cleaning the kitchen makes me feel like such a wimp. Thankfully I have a husband who is sweet enough to remind me that a human being is growing inside of me. I just have to remember that my energy now needs to be split between the two of us!

We have finally started a few small projects in our nursery. I can't wait to get the furniture in there! I've been making a few updates on our registries and saw that our crib has been purchased. I also noticed that two of my "Must Have" items from this post have been purchased: the Itzbeen Timer and the Miracle Blanket. I can't wait to open those gifts and give whoever bought them a huge hug. I have the best friends and family! I have a feeling I'm going to enjoy my baby showers! Once the registry is complete, I'll stop peeking. I want a few surprises!

Here's a sneak peek at the small things we've completed in the nursery:

I turned a Goodwill find into a little girl's desk lamp:

Before:

After:

My curtains are finished! A special thanks to my good friend Allison for sewing them for me. I had every intention of sewing them myself, but let's just say that me and a sewing machine don't make the best of friends. Allison is amazingly talented. Not only did she finish my curtains, she made the most adorable little onesie for Crosbi. It's at the top of my list for her "going home" outfit. I absolutely love it!

If you follow me on Pinterest, you know there is a mobile from Etsy that I just love. I decided to try to make one myself, and got started this weekend. I should have it finished very soon.

Etsy mobile:

A peek at my version:

Other than feeling huge (do I really have 2.5 months to go?!) and a tad bit uncomfortable, I'm doing really well. Little girl is rolling around like a gymnast in my belly. Friends tell me that a lot of babies have personalities that are similar to their actions in the womb. If that's the case, Todd and I have a very active little girl on our hands!

Twelve weeks and counting. I've got this!

Mini Babymoon

2011-08-20T13:10:00.000-05:00

Last weekend Todd and I made a little trip to St. Louis to watch a baseball game with his parents. Much to my surprise it became a mini babymoon of sorts and I'm so thankful we were able to fit in the special getaway as I wrap up my second trimester.

We met Todd's parents for lunch at an incredible Italian restaurant in The Hill, Zia's. After lunch we walked over to an adorable local bakery before making our way to an Italian grocery to buy the essentials (olive oil, pasta, tomato sauce, etc.).

After spending some time in The Hill, we made our way to the stadium. Sadly the Cardinals lost, but we had a great time at the game. Hot dogs and cotton candy were consumed, and Crosbi got two cute Cardinals onesies from Grandpa Tim!

The next morning we hit the coolest little diner in the historic Soulard district. The diner was voted the best in St. Louis and it definitely deserves the title. An obvious breakfast joint for the locals, the staff made us feel right at home.

After breakfast we said goodbye to Todd's parents and enjoyed a little retail therapy. I'm realizing that having a girl is going to be dangerous for our bank account!

We wrapped up the evening at the Taylor Swift concert. Thanks to a good friend, we had incredible seats. I'm not ashamed to say that I'm a bit of a Taylor fan anyway, but it really was one of the best live shows I have seen. The production was incredible. I would absolutely see it again!

This weekend I'm taking it easy at home. Todd is in Chicago with his closest friends on a guys' baseball trip, and I'm getting a few projects done for the nursery and fitting in some much needed time with my girlfriends. We officially enter the third trimester next week. I can't believe how fast time is flying by!

She Has A Name!

2011-08-12T10:32:00.000-05:00

We haven't been too secretive with our little girl's name. Todd and I have been calling her by name for weeks, and we've gladly shared the name with anyone who asks, but we haven't officially announced it. Todd and I never really felt a reason to keep it secret. I did have hesitations in the beginning that if we shared the name and people didn't like it, that I would change my mind. But Todd and I have similar personalities when it comes to criticism - you tell us you don't like the name, it only makes us like it more. That's just how we roll I guess!

Contrary to popular belief, our daughter's name is not Alberta Pujols Stepp. I adore my husband, but even I had to draw the line on that one. She's destined to be a Cardinals fan, and I promised to buy her some St. Louis Cardinals onesies and t-shirts. He was good with that.

Alright, enough waiting. We are thrilled to announce that our daughter's name is...

Crosbi Adelle Stepp

Where did the name come from? Is the answer "I don't know" crazy? Because it's basically the truth. Todd and I had narrowed the name down to two names, Crosbi not being one of them. One night while talking to Todd's mom, she asked if we still liked the name Crosbi. I didn't know what she was talking about, but apparently a few years ago she asked me which baby names I liked and I told her I loved Crosbi for a girl. To this day I don't remember that conversation, and obviously never gave the name another thought, but as soon as I heard it again it felt right. I knew that was my little girl's name and I was so thankful Tracy remembered.

What does Crosbi mean? Well, in all honesty I was set on the name before ever looking at the meaning. I know many people put a huge emphasis on the meaning of a name, as some believe it prophesies who their child will become. I don't completely agree with that line of thinking, but I was curious. I pulled out a baby name book and Crosbi (which comes from Crosby) means "By the Cross". The definition made me smile. I remember reading it, and praying that our daughter would always remember what was done for her at the cross and that as she lives her life, she would live in a way that would lead others to the cross. That has become my daily prayer for her.

So what about Adelle? Well, Todd and I both really like the singer Adele, but that's not where we got the name. Since I was little my dad always asked that if I had a little girl, that I would name her Ella after his favorite aunt. I never met his Aunt Ella, but her sister Ada, my grandmother was like a second mother to me. I wanted her name to be represented in some way. Trying to figure out how to combine the two, I just said the names together over and over until it clicked. Drop the "A" from both names, and you have Ad + Ell. Or Adelle. I love that these two special women will live on through our daughter's middle name.

So there you have it. We will welcome our little Crosbi Adelle to the world in November and we couldn't be more excited!

I'm ending my 26th week and for the most part I'm feeling good (except for those pesky leg cramps that still come and go.) I just can't believe I'll complete my second trimester this month. Crazy!

Those chubby cheeks keep expanding, but I'm becoming more okay with it. My friend Jenn (who is due four days before me) and I made a promise to each other that I would stop complaining about my face if she'll stop complaining about her thighs. Sounds like a good compromise!

A Minor Setback

2011-08-08T11:59:00.000-05:00

No baby bump photos today. No photos at all, actually. Today I just want to get my thoughts out. I'll call it therapy.

This weekend was a rough one. I'm so hormonal and emotional that even thinking about it makes me cry, and the reality is that it wasn't all that bad. I absolutely don't want my blog to become a place where I complain, but I do want to be able to look back at the difficult moments and say, "I did that! I survived that!"

Saturday was almost perfect. Todd and I slept in and got a few things done around the house. My friend Bethany gave me two large bags full of little girl clothes that I went through and sorted by size. I was able to fit in a long nap and wrapped up the evening sharing an incredible summer meal with my closest friends.

Things took a turn for the worse Sunday morning. I woke up screaming at 6:20am. I had one of the most severe cramps in my right leg that I have ever had. I was in so much pain that the details are still a little blurry, but Todd told me later in the day that I was screaming so loud he was sure I had woken the neighbors. Todd was finally able to stretch/massage my leg enough to make the pain go away. If that weren't bad enough, at 8:30am I woke up again. More pain. Left leg. This time I cried more than I screamed. I felt so helpless. I eventually cried myself back to sleep until I woke up about an hour later. When I got out of bed, I could barely walk. My legs were so sore that I couldn't put all my weight on them.

Hoping that some breakfast would help, I made a bowl of cereal with extra bananas. They say potassium can help with leg cramps. Unfortunately heartburn and indigestion have decided to take a permanent home in my body, which meant my breakfast didn't stay down long. I walked out of the bathroom crying, having just gotten sick, walking on sore legs and sat on the couch by Todd. All I could get out was, "I don't know if I can do this." I was scared to go to sleep last night - worried that I would wake up to more pain.

My husband is my hero. He massaged my legs throughout the day, loaded me up on Gatorade and encouraged me with his words and his amazing sense of humor. There is absolutely no way I could do this without him.

I'm feeling much better today. During moments like I had yesterday, the fear really starts to creep in. That's why I want to take just a quick minute to thank all of my friends and family who comment on this blog, call, text or e-mail me to tell me that Todd and I will be great parents. You have no idea what those words mean to me. During my hardest days those words carry me. I cherish them and read them or play them in my head over and over. They are gold to me. From the bottom of my heart, thank you.

Enough complaining. I did it. I survived another hard day. I'm stronger because of it and I'll do it again for my little girl. I'll do anything for her.

I promise my next post will be more exciting. Baby Stepp officially has a name. Stay tuned!

25 Weeks & A Reunion

2011-08-04T15:30:00.003-05:00

Last weekend Todd and I drove to Missouri for my my ten year high school reunion. Seriously, where has the time gone? Ten years. I feel old. We had debated whether or not we would go, with the heat and me being nearly six months pregnant, but we decided we should go and I'm so glad we did.

It was really great to step back in time, but to also pick up right where we left off. I don't see my high school girlfriends much at all. Facebook has been a great way to keep in touch, but sadly I can say that periods of a couple years or more would go by without us seeing each other. Even with the distance apart, those girls are my sisters. They still know me as well as if I had never taken a step out of Ozark.

The week I found out Todd and I were having a girl, I texted my friend Ashley. We hadn't spoken in a few months, but I wanted to fill her in on the news before we announced it publicly. I texted "It's A Girl!" Within minutes she called me back. The first words out of her mouth: "You wanted a boy, didn't you?" Although there was some truth in that, her comment made me laugh. We have known each other since we were five years old and although we had never talked about my preferences when it came to children, she just knew. She spent the rest of the conversation explaining that she initially felt the same way during her first pregnancy and couldn't be more thrilled that she had a little girl first and that I would feel the same way. I already do. I'm head over heels in love with our little girl, but it was so nice to hear her words of encouragement. Todd and I don't have any plans to move back to Missouri in the near future, but should we ever decide to go back, we know we have a group of friends that will warmly welcome us back into the family.

In other baby news, I have become very aware of my new pregnant body. I know that nobody wants to hear a woman complain about the weight she has put on while she's expecting, but lately I have wanted to wear a paper bag over my head when I leave the house. I think half of the nearly 20 pounds I have gained are in my cheeks. Need proof?

Me almost two years ago (September, 2009).

My cheeks were still round, but there was a little definition.

Here I am a couple of months ago at 15 weeks pregnant.

I noticed the biggest difference this past weekend. I barely recognize myself!

I realize weight gain is healthy during pregnancy and I'm sure my face will go back to normal - it's just hard looking at this new person in the mirror! However, I will say that I'm loving my new hair. I have never had thick hair before. I wish my new locks could stick around after the baby arrives, but I'll go back to stringy hair to have my old cheeks back!

It will be completely worth it, I'm sure of it.

Little girl in my belly, I sure love you a lot to let you do this to me!

The Registry

2011-07-25T11:59:00.001-05:00

In the last couple of weeks, Todd and I have pretty much completed our baby registry. I know we won't have baby showers until September or later, but it's nice to check off a big to-do list item. While I was really looking forward to going crazy in stores with a scanner, we actually registered for most items online. It was just so much easier to read reviews, search safety features, etc. as I was registering instead of guessing at the store. I just hope my family and friends won't shy away from online shopping!

I tried to do a lot of research before selecting items. I read many baby blogs and leaned on friends to find out what worked best for them. The registry check-list was so overwhelming. The list I used had 250 items! Before I even got started, I probably crossed off over half of the items that either seemed unnecessary or were items I could get later or borrow from friends.

We registered for all of the basics (crib, pack n play, car seat, stroller, receiving blankets, etc.) But there were a few items that had rave reviews from moms that stood out to me. A couple were items that I feel will give me some peace of mind as I enter this adventure called motherhood.

The Miracle Blanket

I first heard of The Miracle Blanket from one of my favorite bloggers, Erica at Urban Grace Interiors. She says, "Beware of impostors... This is the one and only swaddle blanket." Since reading her blog I've read dozens of great reviews. Thanks to Amazon.com I was able to add this to my universal registry. There's even a great little youtube video here showing it in action.

Itzbeen Baby Care Timer

I have a bit of a split personality. I am super organized at work. I pride myself on being one of the most detail-oriented in my department. But get me home and my brain shuts off. Just ask my dad. He loves teasing me for forgetting things because I do it ALL the time. That's why this Itzbeen timer will be great for me. I can never remember where I placed my keys, how will I ever remember when I last fed or changed the baby? Thanks to Itzbeen I won't have to! This great little timer lets me keep track of feedings and changings with the touch of a button. I'm not required to remember anything. This I like!

Angelcare Deluxe Movement & Sound Monitor

Before I even found out I was pregnant, I knew I would want a movement monitor. These monitors detect your baby's breathing and sound an alarm if they stop breathing for more than a few seconds. I'm not a person who can go without much sleep, but I'm also a person who worries. I know I would be that mom that stares at her baby to make sure she is breathing all night, and would then pay for it in the morning. This is a great item because it also serves as a sound monitor (which I would also need) and will give some extra peace of mind when we put the baby down for naps and bedtime.

Those are a few of my must-haves. Any items out there that you mom's found life changing? I'm open to all ideas!

***

In other news - I sort of fell in love with Jenny McCarthy this morning. I've been a little down in the dumps about my weight gain. I've gained nearly 18 pounds in 24 weeks. Thankfully I've plateaued a bit, even losing a pound, but last month I gained 7 pounds in 3 weeks! I have stayed the same weight for the past 3 weeks or so, and hoping I level out this trimester to get back on track for the third. I'm definitely seeing it in my face which was the one place I hoped I wouldn't gain. That's why Jenny made my day. She tweeted a photo of herself when she was pregnant in 2002 - and had reached 211 pounds when she delivered her son! I have no intention of gaining that kind of weight, but she did make me feel much better about myself (especially when you see how she looks today!) Thanks for the confidence boost, Jenny!

We'll hit 24 weeks this week! She'll be here before we know it!

The Nursery (and Other Happenings)

2011-07-16T21:32:00.002-05:00

I'm 22 weeks this week. I'm feeling the baby kick like crazy these days, which makes sense considering she's now nearly a foot long and weighs a pound. As much as I enjoy it, I'm learning she's a bit of a night owl. If I switch positions in the middle of the night, I can almost guarantee it will take about 10 minutes for her to calm back down. I find myself whispering, "you're okay, go back to sleep." Oh how different it will be when she's really here and I'm desperate for sleep. I'll take the kicking!

As for other recent changes, I have officially hopped on a severe emotional roller coaster. My poor husband doesn't know what to think about me. I can go from hard belly laughing to sobbing, back to laughing in a matter of seconds. Crazy.

This week I have been in full nursery planning mode. I think I've finally settled on a color scheme. For any of you girls who love to decorate, you're going to hate me when I tell you about this amazing site I found. If you visit, be prepared to lose a few hours of your day! I stumbled on Olioboard this week and created a mood board for my nursery. The site is very user friendly and allows you to use your own photos/findings to create your look. Below is my mood board for baby girl's room.

The furniture isn't the exact furniture I'm looking at (although I may splurge on the chair because it can be converted from a glider to a normal chair and is a piece that could easily move into our master bedroom when we transition it out of the nursery). I found the fabric at Tonic Living, a great fabric site. The accessories are mainly from Etsy. I'm going to try to decorate the room exclusively in Etsy and my own handmade items as much as I can. The paint color shows up a little lighter than I had hoped in the photo. It looks a bit beige, but it is actually light gray. We may end up going a shade or two darker.

I didn't want to clutter the photo too much, but I do plan on adding lots of accessories to the room to bring in more color (like the changing pad cover, painted drawer knobs, artwork, etc.) I'm excited to get started on the room.

Other than nursery planning and my temporary moments of insanity, I'm feeling good. I'm trying to soak in these next few weeks and really enjoy this "comfortable" time by spending lots of quality time with friends and some of the ladies from work, as well as my incredible husband. We're trying to figure out how to sneak in one more babymoon before the baby comes. Fingers crossed it works out!

Twenty two weeks. The time is really flying by!

21 Weeks

2011-07-10T20:26:00.000-05:00

I am officially past the halfway mark and to be honest, the fear is starting to set in. Friends and family are using the phrase, "It won't be long!" when what I would rather hear most days is, "You've got lots of time!"

I know all new mothers have their fears and worries, but I feel so unprepared. I've never been a baby person. I know nothing about babies. Yes, I worked in a daycare for two years in high school and college and worked in childcare at our church back home, but I was always with the two and three year olds. There's not a toddler I can't handle. But a newborn? I don't have a clue. It's not helping that I beat myself up over this. When I hold a baby and he/she cries, I immediately give myself the third degree. "What were you thinking? You don't know what you're doing! You're going to be horrible at this." I'm my own worst enemy. Am I crazy for wishing that this little girl inside of me would decide to stay in until she's about 14 months old?

I'm known to watch shows like Teen Mom and 16 and Pregnant (trashy TV I know), but sometimes it can be so therapeutic. If these teenage girls can figure out what to do with an infant, surely I can, right? I'm nearly twice their age with a supportive husband and an amazing community. I have no reason to fear. But still, I'm nervous. Hoping my motherly instincts will kick in very soon.

To my mom friends - is it normal to feel this way? Will it come to me naturally when my little one arrives? Or should I be taking every childcare course I can fit in between now and November 16th?

Thankfully I have lots of wonderful distractions to keep my mind occupied in the mean time. I love feeling my little peanut kick. Her kicks and punches often make me laugh out loud. Calling her by name is wonderful. Thinking about her nursery takes up hours of my time searching for fabrics, furniture and paint colors. Debating what she might look like with Todd is entertaining. I think she'll be my little brown haired, brown eyed beauty. He's certain she'll be blonde like he was when he was little.

We're past the halfway mark. Nineteen weeks to go until our lives completely change forever. I'm so thankful we're not in this alone. They say it takes a village to raise a child, and I'm already a firm believer. I just feel so unbelievably blessed that our village has stepped up and is excitedly awaiting our little girl's arrival.

Boy or Girl?

2011-06-29T11:37:00.000-05:00

Most of you reading will already know the answer to this question: Boy or Girl? But if you haven't heard, I'll get to the answer in just a bit!

Todd and I had the best time with family this past weekend as we revealed the gender of our little one. Nearly 40 family members gathered at my parents' home to find out our big secret. We felt beyond loved that day and I will cherish the memories of our reveal party forever. We're so thankful for our families and are overwhelmed at how loved our little one is already. One blessed baby for sure!

Here's just a snapshot of the party. A special thanks to my good friend Roxanne for making the reveal cake!

** It's A Girl **

Todd and I are thrilled to finally share the news with the world. Baby girl S is doing great. She's growing bigger every day and is starting to kick like crazy. I love it.

For those of you who know me well, you know that I had secretly been hoping for a little boy. I'm not going to lie, hearing the Dr. say "girl" was a bit of a shock. Not because I was sad that we're having a girl, but because a part of me was saying goodbye to my dreams of having a little guy around the house. I always pictured myself with a mini-version of Todd running around, so it took some time to get used to the idea of having a girl. Now that I have had time to let it soak in, I'm absolutely thrilled. She is so loved already. I'm only halfway through my pregnancy, but I'm getting really anxious to meet her.

So to my friends with little girls, please tell me everything you know! I am soaking up advice like a sponge.

Twenty more weeks to go!

18 Weeks (Almost)

2011-06-14T13:13:00.001-05:00

I'll be 18 weeks tomorrow and I'm definitely feeling it. My clothes are fitting tighter. It's becoming more uncomfortable to do normal things like getting into bed (our bed is on risers to make it taller, but they have to go!) or getting into my car. I've heard so many times that during pregnancy your body is not your own, and for the most part I understood that. I knew I would make more frequent trips to the bathroom, that I would be sharing space with my little one as they grow, that I wouldn't be able to control things like the occasional burp that slips out in mid-conversation, etc. But I didn't fully understand that my body would feel foreign. I feel like I'm borrowing someone else's body. The tightness in my belly and the widening of my hips make me feel like I'm trying on a new body and I'm just attempting to work out the kinks to feel like my normal self. Nothing could have prepared me for this. It's amazing and mind boggling at the same time!

Another adjustment: weight gain. I've gained 9 pounds in 18 weeks. I know I'm on a healthy pace. The books say that I should expect to gain a pound a week from now until week 40. If I can keep to that, I will have only gained 31 pounds, which is pretty much right on target. I'm not afraid to gain weight, but it is strange to see digits I've never seen on the scale before. I'm just glad I'm finally showing so that this weight gain is justified!

This isn't the best photo of me, but my mom called asking for a picture and knowing I would forget, I took a quick photo on Todd's phone before I got ready for bed one night this week. It's not too flattering, but I'm sure it will be fun to look at later. (The shadow from my arm makes my bump look a bit bigger than it actually is!)

Baby S is the size of a sweet potato this week. Seems like yesterday he/she was the size of a grape. Time flies!

16 Weeks

2011-06-02T10:10:00.001-05:00

We're getting closer and closer to the halfway mark, which is mind blowing to me. In just a couple weeks we find out if Baby S is a boy or girl. Todd and I are both secretly hoping for a boy, but obviously we'll be thrilled either way.

A few new changes in my world:

1. The middle of the night potty runs have officially begun. I know this is all new to me, and I can be a bit naive, but I really thought this part of pregnancy might skip me. Until this week I was mostly sleeping through the night. Granted, in the morning I would make a mad dash for the bathroom, but I told Todd that I thought my body wasn't waking me up to go. I was convinced I was just going to hold it all night and sleep soundly. Nope. I'm now fully awake between 2 and 3am. The worst part? I'm not good at falling back asleep quickly. This morning I laid in bed for over an hour trying to see if I could remember the names of the four girls on Teen Mom 2. What has happened to me?!

2. Maybe you moms can help me with this one. In the last week or so my tailbone has been aching. I thought I had just sat on something hard for too long, but after a week of dull pain, I'm realizing this is my new normal. On top of that, my hips are really sore. Yesterday I couldn't put all my weight on my right leg without almost falling over. Is this something I just get used to, or can a chiropractor help? I do sit at a desk all day at work, which may have a lot to do with it. I'm going to try to be more active during the work day.

3. I officially have a bump! It has been around for the last couple of weeks, but now I can't hide it at all. I wore maternity jeans for the first time yesterday and they are heavenly! I don't know if I ever want to go back to normal jeans!

All of these changes have really been fun to experience (even when they don't feel so great). I'm amazed that there is a life growing inside of me. I feel so blessed that God would call Todd and I to be parents. He has revealed so much to me these past few weeks. When Todd and I first found out we were pregnant, I joked that God may have accidentally chosen the wrong girl. Doesn't He know how scared I am? Doesn't He know pain and I don't get along? But He has provided and shown me time and again that it's His strength, not my own that will carry me during this. The fact that He trusts me so deeply to handle this has made me fall in love with Him in a whole new way. It's not news that I'm a control freak, but letting go has been such a breath of fresh air.

And for those pics I promised...

I've gone from this -

To this -

Thanks to all you girls who left comments on my blog, facebook and emailed book recommendations! I've got plenty of reading material to keep me busy the next 5 1/2 months!

Babies 101

2011-05-25T11:20:00.000-05:00

I'm 15 weeks today. Insane. This is going by much faster than I anticipated, but at the same time I feel like the fun is just beginning. I actually look forward to doctor appointments. Todd and I have an appointment today and I'm crossing my fingers that we'll hear the heartbeat. We haven't heard it yet and I'm getting antsy!

As someone who once thought I would never have children, I never really educated myself on babies and childbirth. Sure, I had plenty of babysitting experience. I'm the oldest of five, how could I not? And caring for three of the sweetest boys in the world was my first real job when Todd and I moved to Nashville, but they were all over a year old when they were entrusted to me. It's infants that I know nothing about. Being the oldest girl in my family, I have always felt that it's my responsibility to share with my sisters all the ins and outs of pregnancy, but being the oldest also means I really never had a formal "baby" education. It's a good thing I like to learn. I'm soaking in every piece of wisdom I can get. I'm a bit of a control freak, so I like to know what I'm up against!

I've stockpiled books the last couple of weeks. For those of you with babies, I would love to hear your thoughts on my list. I haven't made it through all of them just yet, but I'm getting there slowly. I would also be thrilled to hear your recommendations. This girl can't get enough info!

Books I have purchased or borrowed:

Belly Laughs

Simple and light hearted, this book was an easy read. It's definitely funny and somewhat informative, but Jenny doesn't go into a lot of depth. She mainly skims the surface of each topic. I loved her humor, but I was left with more questions than answers.

Exploiting My Baby

I'll take recommendations from anyone. I came across this book when I saw a picture of Selma Blair holding a copy in US Magazine. Inspiring, huh? It just arrived a few days ago and I haven't been able to put it down. Warning: do not read if you are easily offended. Teresa Strasser does not go out of her way to be modest, so if the F-Bomb bothers you, I would steer clear of this one. While it's definitely rough around the edges, Strasser is brutally honest and transparent. Two things that are important to me when I want real answers. She's also hilarious. I lost count of the times I laughed out loud, and that was before the third chapter.

Girlfriend's Guide to Pregnancy

I skimmed this one at Barnes & Noble and it seemed interesting enough. It hasn't arrived yet, so I can't really give any opinions. Has anyone else read this?

Cool Names for Babies

A co-worker loaned this one to me. It's a fun read. A lot of the names are overused, but our pick for a boy's name was listed twice. I guess that makes us pretty cool?

What to Expect When You're Expecting

This one is pretty self-explanatory. Great for obtaining all of the info you would get from a medical professional. Not nearly as fun to read, but absolutely informative.

These next two I haven't read yet. I'm going to wait a little longer so that I don't forget anything! The first was loaned to me from a close friend and new mom who said this book taught her everything she needed to know. The second I bought because I need a little comic relief with this subject!

The Nursing Mother's Companion

Mama Knows Breast

I'm constantly on the lookout for more baby reading material. I'll take any and all suggestions!

Baby bump pictures coming soon!

Big News

2011-05-10T14:56:00.000-05:00

It's been so long since I've written a post that I almost forgot my blogger login! I've been a bit MIA these past couple of months. To say I was under the weather would be the understatement of the century (or at least it would feel that way to me). I have been temporarily out of commission thanks to someone that today is the size of a medium shrimp. I'm pregnant!

While I'm filled with all kinds of feelings and emotions, we're still in day-to-day mode. My morning sickness has been pretty awful, so survival was my first priority. Thankfully I'm entering my second trimester and was able to get my hands on some really good drugs, so I'm beginning to see the light at the end of the tunnel!

Now if someone could just tell me how to handle all of the needle pokes pregnancy requires, I would be smooth sailing!

Todd and I feel very blessed to be on this journey together. If I ever needed a reminder that I married the perfect person for me, each day of this pregnancy has been just that. He has been amazing. Not only has he done all the cooking and cleaning, but he handled my sickness like a champ. Just ask him about the Taco Bell drive-thru experience and you'll know what I'm talking about!

Hoping to be a more regular visitor to this blog. Lots of new and exciting changes to report in the Stepp house!

Spring Fever

2011-03-14T17:41:00.000-05:00

It's official. I have spring fever. This past Saturday was gorgeous - sunny, nearly 70 degrees. But it was just a tease. Today is cold and rainy and I'm really hoping the warm weather will come back to stay awhile.

I'm new to Pinterest, but thankfully I discovered it a few weeks ago so that I can have a taste of spring on my computer screen.

These images are making me very happy.

Sources:

*Etsy

*Tumblr

*Pottery Barn

*Tumblr

More Seattle photos coming!

Happy Monday ♥

Seattle

2011-03-06T18:55:00.002-06:00

I have a feeling this is the first of several posts about Seattle. Todd and I are having such a great time. We're a bit exhausted, so I'm uploading photos while he watches What Women Want. He says it's one of his favorite movies - another reason why I love him so, so much.

I knew Seattle would be beautiful, I just didn't realize it would be so breathtaking. We have been taking in the sights and taking in lots of amazing food. But most importantly, we (it's probably more me than we) have been doing some good soul searching. I needed a vacation, but I needed a mental vacation even more. It's going to be really hard to leave.

I think I'm falling in love with the Northwest.

Breakfast

2011-02-26T12:39:00.000-06:00

I can't remember the last time I made breakfast on a Saturday morning. Our weekends have been pretty busy lately, but they have been full of good things, so I'm not complaining.

Several months ago I had a friend over for breakfast and tried a new recipe. I would be lying if I said I hadn't been thinking about it ever since. It might just be my favorite recipe for French Toast ever. I made it for Todd today and I'm pretty sure he agrees with me.

Ciabatta French Toast with Marmalade Drizzle
(via Cooking Light)

Ingredients:

1/3 cup fresh orange juice
1/2 cup orange marmalade
1/2 cup 2% reduced-fat milk
1/2 teaspoon ground cinnamon
2 large eggs
8 (1-ounce) slices ciabatta bread
2 tablespoons butter

Preparation:

Place orange juice and marmalade in a small saucepan over medium heat; bring to a simmer. Remove from heat; keep warm.

Combine milk, cinnamon, and eggs in a shallow dish; stir with a whisk. Dip bread slices in egg mixture; let slices stand in egg mixture 20 seconds on each side.

Melt 1 tablespoon butter in a large nonstick skillet over medium-high heat. Place 4 bread slices in pan; cook 2 minutes on each side or until lightly browned. Remove from pan. Repeat procedure with remaining 1 tablespoon butter and bread slices. Drizzle with marmalade syrup.

Happy Weekend!

Future Lake Home, Perhaps?

2011-02-20T19:16:00.000-06:00

As a child, I grew up on the lake. My family didn't take big vacations. I didn't see the beach until I was nearly a teenager, but I was very familiar with water. I had the luxury of growing up in the Ozarks, which meant I was only miles from Table Rock Lake (aka my summer home). My step-dad loved the outdoors, so we would spend two weekends a month at the lake during the summer.

Most of our time at the lake involved camping in tents, but as I got a little older, we upgraded to renting an adorable A-Frame cabin. We would load up all our gear in my step-dad's jeep (doors off and top down of course) and drive the windy road to our campground. My sisters and I were in our bathing suits before the car was in park. We were as comfortable at the lake as we were in our own home.

By high school our camping trips were few and far between. Once I turned sixteen I didn't find going to the lake to be very cool. You were more likely to find me at a friend's house or with Todd. Sadly, by college I could barely tell you how to find our old campground.

A couple of years ago, good friends of ours inherited the coziest lake cabin just outside of Memphis. Todd and I visited for the first time in 2009 and the moment we pulled into the driveway a thousand memories filled my mind. I had forgotten just how much I missed being on the water. We visited again this past summer and when Todd and I got home we talked about how we would love to have a place like that to take our family one day.

Since owning a lake home is a bit out of the question right now, I did the next best thing and brought a little of the lake into our current home.

However, a recent trip to Home Depot made us realize our dreams of owning a lake home may not have to be as far away as we think! I had seen an online article about a professor who built a 450 square foot home and e-mailed it to Todd. I asked him if he thought we could build something similar. Afterall, you don't need a lot of space when you spend the entire time outdoors.

So when we were walking around Home Depot and saw this little beauty, the wheels started turning...

All we need is a small piece of land on the water, some insulation and electricity, right?

It's good to have dreams!

Guest Bathroom: Before & (nearly) After

2011-02-13T16:23:00.001-06:00

I'm pretty excited about this post. It's not that our guest bathroom got a major overhaul, it's more that it just needed to be personalized a bit.

When I decided to give our bathroom a much needed makeover, I knew I wanted it to have a lake/cabin/camping feel. I'll explain why that was important to me in an upcoming post. This post is more about the art I found to fit the theme.

Originally I had the idea of framing black and white photos from past trips to the lake. Sadly, after I developed them, I knew photos didn't fit the look I was going for. Instead I wanted drawings or sketches. I searched for weeks on Etsy, art.com and other sites. I found nothing. I had a pretty specific look in my mind and wanted so badly to match it.

Then it hit me. I was reading Darby's blog (if you've read my blog at all you know how much I adore Darby and her blog). Darby designs and sells the most darling t-shirts for children. I was scrolling through her photos when I realized her drawings were exactly what I was looking for.

Knowing it could be a long shot, I e-mailed Darby and told her I wanted to use her drawings as art pieces in my bathroom. She was so sweet to not only allow me to use them, but she quickly e-mailed me the images. I had them printed on card stock and framed. I am thrilled with the results!

Before:

After:

I'm really happy with the turnout so far. There will still be some tweaking here and there. Soon we will add white beadboard to the walls to really make the green pop, but that will be a few weeks down the road. I'm just glad the room is starting to feel more like us. It's still simple, but playful enough that it can serve as a kids bathroom one of these days.

Thanks to Darby, this bathroom feels a bit more complete.

More updates to come!

A Few of My Favorites Part II

2011-02-07T18:00:00.003-06:00

Back in January of '09, (I can't believe time has passed so quickly!) I wrote a post about some of my favorite blogs. Nearly all of the blogs I read are recommendations from friends, so I thought it might be helpful to share what I'm currently reading. A few are really popular and a couple others are just starting to take off. I'm always a sucker for a good blog, so if you're looking to expand your own blog roll, look no further!

I've decided not to summarize the blogs as much this time, because they really speak for themselves.

Favorite Design Blog

Sadie Olive

To give you an idea of how incredibly talented Sara (the author) is, check out the nursery she designed for the foster baby she and her husband are hoping to have very soon. Amazing.

Favorite Food Blog

Joy the Baker

Fabulous recipes, hilarious author. What more could you ask for?

Favorite Inspirational Blog

Chatting at the Sky

I mentioned this blog back in October during 31 Days of Grace and I've been a big fan since.

Favorite Craft (and more) Blogs

Finding My Feet

Raechel from Finding My Feet is adorable. She's a Nashville girl, a mother of two and a genius with a sewing machine. I've learned a lot about motherhood and even more about getting crafty from her.

A Case of the Mundays

Blair is incredibly gifted when it comes to crafts: felt, leather, jewelry, you name it, she can do it!

Favorite Lifestyle Blog

Everyday Musings

If I could trade lives with someone for a day, it would be Olivia Rae. This girl knows how to enjoy life in the moment. Her blog is filled with beautiful photos and delicious recipes. I read her blog when I need to virtually escape for a little while.

Those should keep you busy for awhile, but just in case you need more, click here for my first round of favorites.

♥

Taking A Little Trip

2011-02-03T12:27:00.001-06:00

Thanks to the many frequent flyer miles and hotel points I have racked up over the last year, Todd and I are taking an almost free vacation in just over a month. I can’t wait. I’ve been getting restless lately. I’d like to blame it on the weather, but I think I’m feeling antsy in general. Curious about where God is leading us. I’m not sure what’s around the corner, but while we wait, we’re going to enjoy a much needed vacation.

We haven’t told friends or family about this little trip. It was definitely a last minute decision based on vacation days that must be used before the end of March, etc. (the fact that we only need to cover the cost of a rental car and meals helped too!) But we will be back well before things get exciting later next month. I can’t miss a certain baby boy being born!

Where are we going? Here’s a hint…

©Weatherstone/Ron Almberg, Jr. (2010)

Looking at that photo definitely makes it easier to plow through work these next few weeks. I feel like a college student counting down the days until Spring Break!

Baby Boy Shower

2011-01-30T21:05:00.001-06:00

Today I had the honor of co-hosting a baby shower in our home for one of my closest friends. Allison's little boy is due in March and today we celebrated his coming arrival. We're all head over heels in love with him already and can't wait to meet him very soon!

So excited to meet you, little man!

XOXOXO

2011-01-22T12:47:00.002-06:00

I find so much inspiration from blogs; from recipes to book recommendations to home decor ideas. I think it's because most of the blogs I read are written by normal women who need quick recipes for their busy families or ideas for the home that aren't too far out of reach.

Several weeks ago I stumbled on a blog and a light bulb went off. The photo of the author's kitchen stopped me in my tracks. She had the greatest art pieces hanging below the bar in her kitchen. For months I have been trying to find photos or art for a bare wall in our kitchen. Once I saw this blog, I knew I wanted to try to replicate her art in my house.

See the X & O prints under her bar? I love them.

This morning Todd and I created a version of our own for our kitchen.

Before:

During...

After:

xoxo,
Tara

Books with Pictures

2011-01-19T17:16:00.001-06:00

Our first apartment in Nashville was a nightmare. It was cold, dark and infested with bugs. I wore flip-flops in the shower and wouldn’t sit on the carpet. It was awful. Thankfully it only took one complaint to break our contract. We signed a one-year lease and lived in the apartment 28 days. The longest 28 days of my life.

Todd and I didn’t know many people during our first month in town, and since staying in our apartment was too depressing, we spent countless hours drinking coffee and reading books and magazines at Barnes & Noble. We would stay until we were asked to leave, wanting to be anywhere but our home.

We quickly upgraded to an adorable apartment in Franklin, then again to a cute townhome and eventually bought our first house. Now we don’t want to be anywhere but home, but we still enjoy bookstore coffee dates. The only thing that has really changed for me is the reading material. I now love pouring over cookbooks. I can’t get enough of them. I wish I had bookshelves full of cookbooks, but unfortunately I don’t have the budget or the space.

Instead, I’ll take advantage of coffee dates at Borders or Barnes & Noble and I’ll take mental notes of the amazing photos and recipes I see.

However, I do have a little Christmas money left and there are a few cookbooks that I’ve had my eye on…

The Comfort Table: Recipes for Everyday Occasions by Katie Lee

I bet I have picked this book up half a dozen times. I love that Katie is close to my age and sticks to the food she grew up with. Fried chicken, anyone? You can’t go wrong with comfort food at any age.

Home Cooking with Trisha Yearwood: Stories and Recipes to Share with Family and Friends

I bought this book for my step-mom for Christmas and I think I was more excited to read it than she was! Although my dad tells me they have had several dishes from this book, so it sounds like the gift was a hit. I only read it through once and immediately wished I had my own copy. Southern food at its finest with special tips from Garth Brooks is a perfect combination. Interesting fact: Garth likes to add cheese tortellini to just about everything.

Giada at Home: Family Recipes from Italy and California

Saturday mornings used to be filled with cartoons. Now they’re filled with my favorite Food Network shows, and Giada At Home is an absolute favorite. This book is basically her show in written form. This is another book I flip through often.

Pretty Delicious: Lean and Lovely Recipes for a Healthy, Happy New You by Candice Kumai

Lastly, a new to me cookbook that I discovered in a magazine (I think it was Southern Living). The author is all about FWB’s (food with benefits). This book would be a good, healthy compliment to The Comfort Table and Trisha’s book!

Any other great cookbook recommendations?

Snow Day

2011-01-10T15:29:00.002-06:00

You would have thought two children lived in my home last night. Todd and I were giddy at the thought that work might be canceled because of snow today. We were constantly looking out the window, waiting for the first snowflakes to fall. Right before we went to bed the sky seemed to open and spill out snow on our quiet neighborhood. Within ten minutes the streets were covered. We knew we wouldn't be going anywhere in the morning.

We're well into the afternoon and Todd and I have yet to change out of our pajamas. I've been cooking and cleaning (also taking breaks to check work e-mail now and then). When Todd hasn't been playing video games, he's been having snowball fights with the neighbors and their kids. Calem, our little neighbor across the street was up early building a snow fort with his dad, waiting patiently for Todd to step outside so he could attack. Honestly though, I think the "big kids" enjoyed throwing snowballs more than the little guys. So fun!

After lunch I tried a new recipe - Peanut Butter Banana Ice Cream. It's so easy and pretty tasty. More than being in the mood for ice cream, I really wanted to try out my handy new food processor that Santa was nice enough to bring me. This recipe would be great for you girls with kids.

Peanut Butter Banana Ice Cream
(via 5 Ingredient Fix)

Ingredients:
2 to 3 ripe bananas
1 to 2 tablespoons creamy peanut butter
1 to 2 tablespoons honey

Directions:
Cut the bananas into 1-inch pieces and freeze. Put the frozen bananas in a food processor and puree, scraping down sides periodically, until smooth. Add the peanut butter and honey and puree. Serve immediately or refreeze until ready to enjoy.

Happy Snow Day!

So Long 2010!

2011-01-01T18:03:00.001-06:00

It's 2011. Hallelujah! I can't remember a time when I've been so excited to begin a new year. I'm ready to dive head first into 2011. It's funny, this time last year I woke early to read my devotional and one phrase set the tone for the entire year: "Come to me with a teachable spirit, eager to be changed." Those words terrified me. I was certain that hard, uncomfortable change would fill 2010 and I couldn't have been more right. There were times during the year when I wondered if we would make it. But we did, and not only did we make it, we are stronger and better for walking through the fire.

This morning, I quietly read my devotional while Todd slept beside me. I was well aware of the words I was about to read. I've lived with those words for 365 days. But this morning I was excited to read them. I smiled when I thought about the change God has in store. This year will be filled with good change. This year I will be different. I know that God will never leave my side. Todd and I faced the threat of having our most meaningful relationships crumble, we experienced the loss of a job and watched our siblings make difficult, sometimes dangerous decisions. We cried over the loss of our best friends' miscarriage, over health issues that plagued friends who are more like family and later cried again as other best friends buried their mother. This year I'm ready for change. Today I will put on my armor and will wear it proudly. Today is a new day and this is a new year.

While there are many things I would like to forget about 2010, there are many good memories that I want to keep with me...

January -
We kicked off the year celebrating at our home. Allison and I learned to cook like The Pioneer Woman. Our guest bedroom got a much needed makeover. A blizzard hit Nashville and Todd and I got to see LeBron James and Shaquille O'Neal!

February -
Todd's parents came out for the Super Bowl. I got a little crafty. Todd became a pro at making his favorite recipe, corned-beef hash. We celebrated Matt & Suz's engagement!

March -
Todd's parents were here and we finally visited and fell in love with The Silly Goose. I quit twitter. But more importantly, Matt and Susan got married!

April -
We joined a meal group with old friends and met new friends that have been such a blessing to our lives. Josh & Christi went to Missouri with us for Easter and I was able to see Janessa, whom I've been friends with since the third grade. I received my first Gold Record and Todd and I took a dream vacation to Destin to celebrate our 5th Anniversary.

May -
Nashville was devastated by one of the worst floods in history. Todd and the boys went on a 3-city baseball trip. We perfected the watermelon margarita and went back to Missouri for a family reunion.

June -
We celebrated Christi's 28th birthday. Todd faced a brief health scare and we added some much needed color to our home.

July -

We spent an incredible vacation at the cabin over the Fourth of July weekend. My parents came in for a fun getaway. I read Bittersweet for the first time and it rocked my world. We wrapped up the month with baseball and great food with Todd's parents in St. Louis.

August -

I didn't take many photos! Todd lost his job in August, but not all was lost. I spent a fantastic weekend in Philadelphia and New York with my best friend Mary. Instead of photos, I decided to give videos a try.

September -

We made a quick trip home to Missouri for Labor Day before heading to Folly Beach for a week of relaxation!

October -

I turned the dreaded 2-8 and found out it isn't so bad. Todd's family visited and we introduced them to Fido and spent hours laughing at hilarious YouTube videos. We attended our first chili cook-off, which will now be an annual tradition. The month ended with a weekend spent on the farm that felt more like a retreat than a typical visit home.

November -

I really don't take as many photos as I should. I was hoping a new camera would fix that! Maybe that should be added to my list of resolutions this year! In November Todd started a new job that he loves. I had my first giveaway, hoping to get my friends and family who read this little blog fired up about the Bittersweet event at Tap Root II. The next week we drove nine long hours to Raleigh, North Carolina to spend Thanksgiving with my mom's side of the family. My sister and I discovered the best little cafe in Durham called Guglhuph. It quickly became a favorite and a must-see when I visit Raleigh-Durham.

December -

With Todd's new job, he now has the same vacation days for Christmas that I have. Since we had so many days off, we were able to spend a week in Missouri with family and friends. It was stressful trying to fit in everything, but we had to remind ourselves how blessed we are to have so many people to love.

I'm thankful for the many memories made in 2010, and even more excited about what's in store for 2011. Let's resolve to make this year the best yet!

Happy New Year!

Love,

Todd & Tara

Wordle: Blog Edition

2010-12-22T13:15:00.002-06:00

One of Joy the Baker's readers created a wordle from words most often used on her blog. I was unaware that you could do that with a blog or website, so I was interested to see what the results from my blog would be. The bigger the word, the more often the word is used.

I love that the word used most is "thankful." This past year has felt more like a fog, a year I've been wishing away. But in the midst of crazy, sometimes difficult seasons, I had much to be thankful for. Such a good reminder.

I also noticed that the name Jesus is smaller than I would have hoped. I'll definitely work on that in 2011. If I have so much to be thankful for, the credit should be going to the one who provides all good things - my savior, Jesus Christ.

And "cookie" is the second most used word? Really? That explains why my jeans have felt tighter this year. Maybe I'll cut back after the holidays. Maybe.

I'm getting so excited for Christmas!

I'm also really excited to see Garth Brooks in concert tonight.

(Highlights from our Christmas vacation to come!)

This Afternoon

2010-12-17T16:56:00.002-06:00

Has been filled with lots of wrapping and lots of glitter on my floors.

This year I decided to add more color under the tree. I think I like it!

Such a fun time of year.

Have a great weekend!

Cookie Exchange

2010-12-12T20:15:00.001-06:00

Last night I attended my first cookie exchange. I've been missing out! It was a wonderful evening filled with amazing cookies and conversation with a few of my favorite coworkers.

I ended up not making cookies at all. My last few attempts at baking have been less than stellar, so instead I went with a recipe that is almost impossible to mess up - Oreo Truffles.

Oreo Truffles

Ingredients:
1 pkg (8 oz) cream cheese, softened

1 pkg. (1 lb. 2 oz.) Oreo cookies, finely crushed (about 4-1/4 cups), divided

2 pkg. (8 squares each) Baker's semi-sweet chocolate, melted

Directions:
Mix cream cheese and 3 cups cookie crumbs until well blended.

Shape into 48 (1-inch) balls. Dip in melted chocolate; place on waxed paper-covered baking sheet. Sprinkle with remaining cookie crumbs.
Refrigerate 1 hour or until firm. Store in tightly covered container in refrigerator.

*I used crushed candy canes to top instead of the cookies.

My friend Jennifer hosted the event at her beautiful Nashville home. You can see her before and after photos and lots of other fun things over here.

I was supposed to attend another cookie exchange this evening, but instead Todd and I sat in traffic for nearly two hours when a snow storm decided to hit our city. Thankfully we made it home and can enjoy the snow from the inside of our home, and not the side of the road like a lot of people we saw tonight.

It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas!

Cross Country Update and Cookie Swaps

2010-12-05T14:36:00.000-06:00

Last Thursday I left way too early in the morning for a 5am flight to Los Angeles. The next day I headed to New York. Because of some unfortunate events, I ended up in New York City alone after the band I had traveled with returned home. With several hours to kill, I decided to visit Manhattan solo. My hotel was five miles from the city and I couldn't leave without seeing "The Tree" or the storefronts on 5th Avenue. I have to admit, I was nervous. I don't know my way around Manhattan all that well. I can get myself to Anthropologie and Dean & Deluca and that's about it. I had never hailed a cab on my own. Just the thought of it made me consider hiding in my hotel room until it was time for my flight. But after a pep talk from my husband, I got over my fears, called a cab and was off to the city. I found a great little cafe for brunch. The artichoke and sun dried tomato frittata was incredible, not to mention the organic homemade breads. As I sat at my table with warm tea in hand, watching the people walk by, I felt confident and independent. I was handling myself well for a country girl from the Ozarks.

I strolled leisurely up and down 5th Avenue, taking in the unbelievable storefront windows. Such exquisite attention to detail. I stood for quite some time watching the ice skaters in Rockefeller Center, telling myself that I would be back to skate with my husband one day.

New York in December really is as magical as everyone says. I truly hope to celebrate the season there with my family someday soon.

*

Changing topics just a bit - this year I have been invited to two cookie swaps. I'm struggling with recipes because my last two attempts at desserts have not been successful. I'm not much of a baker. I think it's because the measurements have to be exact and the timing must be perfect. I get distracted easily. But I must bring something, so during my long hours in the airport, I found a few cookie recipes that might do the trick.

Todd would love these Chocolate-Espresso Snowcaps.
Recipe here.

These Honeyed Almond-Cherry Shortbread Cookies look delicious.
Recipe here.

Recently I've had a slight obsession with Earl Grey tea. These Earl Grey Tea Cookies might be perfect as I'm sure they will be a nice compliment to the warm drinks that will be served.

Recipe here.

I'm so thankful to be home, pondering over cookie recipes and not stressing about flight connections and early call times.

I want to be very intentional with my time these next few weeks. This year has been challenging to say the least, and I want to go out strong. I don't want to spread myself so thin that I'm not able to soak in the precious time I have with family and friends.

I want to live in the moment and be, not do.

Now back to those cookies...

Thankful

2010-11-25T18:39:00.001-06:00

North Carolina will be our home for the next few days. We made the long trip to spend Thanksgiving with family. As I sit by my grandmother next to a cozy fire, I'm feeling so very thankful.

I'm thankful for an incredible husband who showed amazing strength during some tough seasons this year. No matter what came our way, he always kept me laughing. I don't know how it's possible, but I love him more every day.

I'm thankful for family who love us well.

I'm loving my sister's new haircut. I can't wait for her to work her magic on me!

I'm thankful for an incredible meal - (not so thankful for the miserable feeling I had after eating too much of said meal).

And today I'm especially thankful for my savior, Jesus Christ and the grace He so freely offers to me and those I love.

Happy Thanksgiving!

Digital Age

2010-11-20T13:02:00.001-06:00

A great magazine is my favorite guilty pleasure. I don't buy things on impulse very often, but if I see a great deal for a magazine subscription, I take it. My current subscriptions include Southern Living, Better Homes & Garden, Martha Stewart Living, Good Housekeeping, Cooking Light, and US. I know, ridiculous, right? I actually recently added a couple more (I traded in frequent flyer miles). But over the last few weeks I've decided to cut back. Not because I love the magazines any less, I just don't have time to read them. There are four unread magazines sitting on my kitchen table and I'm not exactly sure when I'll get to them. It is starting to feel like my investment in magazine subscriptions isn't really worth the money I pay for them. So as the subscriptions run out, I'm going to let them go.

However, I have a great backup plan up my sleeve. Another reason I have decided to cut back is because there are so many wonderful online-only magazines. I don't feel bad if I don't get to them right as they come out because they're not piling up reminding me how I'm wasting money. They are completely free! And although you can't hold them or tear out your favorite article, the quality is as good as any mag you will find in stores.

Since I know I have friends who love magazines as much as I do, I thought I would share my finds. If you get time over the holidays, curl up with your laptop or iPad and a warm drink and check these out! (Clicking on the title will take you directly to the site.)

1. Southern Flourish
I have mentioned this one on my blog before, it's definitely at the top of my list.
I think of it as "Southern Living for 20-30 somethings."

2. Rue
Home Decor at it's finest.

3. Lonny
Another great home decor magazine.
This mag leans a bit more high-end for my taste, but it's a great go-to for new ideas.

4. Sweet Paul
Great recipes and craft ideas. A new favorite!

5. Nesting Newbies
Great for all things cooking, entertaining and decorating!

Those should keep you busy for awhile!

Have a great weekend!

Bittersweet Winner

2010-11-19T11:30:00.000-06:00

Drumroll, please....

Thanks to Random.org, the lucky winner is SugarFreeAsh. Congrats Ashley! I'll e-mail you with more details.

Thanks to all of you for humoring me and participating in my first giveaway. Hope to see many of you tonight at Shauna's event. For more details, click here.

Bittersweet Giveaway

2010-11-15T19:43:00.000-06:00

It's giveaway time!

If this isn't your first time reading my blog, you know that I'm a big fan of Shauna Niequist and her latest book, Bittersweet. It's rare that I read a book twice in a lifetime, much less twice in less than six months. I'm currently reading Bittersweet for the second time because a.) I really love the book and b.) Shauna is coming to the Nashville area for a reading this Friday!

To celebrate her upcoming event, Shauna is providing my very first giveaway - a copy of Bittersweet for a lucky reader! For your chance to win, just leave a comment below and I will choose a winner at random Friday morning.

Already own a copy? That's okay! Win a copy for your mother, sister or friend! Wouldn't it be nice to check an item off your Christmas shopping list?

And if you're a Shauna fan like me, and live in the Nashville area, come to her reading this Friday. It will be a great event! For more info, click here.

Come back Friday to find out if you won!

Life on the Farm

2010-11-07T16:16:00.001-06:00

Life has been a bit busy lately. So much so that I haven't even had time to think about this blog. I'm trying to get back in the swing of things because a lot of exciting things are coming up (including my very first giveaway thanks to Shauna Niequist!).

Last weekend we made a trip to Missouri to celebrate my baby brother's birthday. He doesn't technically turn 16 until this Friday, but since I'm not able to make it home then, we celebrated early. Unfortunately I didn't get any photos of him or our time together.

I did, however, get photos from our time at the farm. Last Friday Todd and I woke up early to feed the cows with Grandpa Joe. Todd's parents were at work and his grandmother was out of town, so it was just the three of us. We were up with the sun and bundled from head to toe. The temperature was a freezing 24 degrees when we stepped outside.

I had my camera in hand and when I wasn't shaking from the cold, I snapped a few photos. I felt a bit like the Pioneer Woman that morning, and one day I think I'd like to trade the corporate world for life on the farm.

I'll be back soon with new recipes and a giveaway!

Christmas Came Early

2010-10-23T22:10:00.000-05:00

One great thing about my job is getting corporate thank you gifts during the holidays. Because I placed such a large order with Harry & David last year, they thanked me this year by sending me a "Tower of Treats." I don't know how Todd and I are going to eat all of the goodies they sent, but I've never been known to turn down chocolate. Seriously. I don't think I have ever turned it down.

The large box on the bottom is full of pears. I've never been a fan of pears, but I'm going to try to disguise their flavor by making a pear crisp or something similar. I can't let them go to waste, right? My luck they'll be moldy before I ever get to the baking part. That's okay. Did I mention there's chocolate?

Although not pear related, I did try a new recipe this week. Prosciutto and Gruyere Strombolis are super simple to make and perfect for a quick weeknight dinner. Tip: buy prosciutto and gruyere from the deli at the grocery store. The recipe only calls for two ounces of each, so it's much cheaper than buying the prepackaged kind. Recipe here.

This week has been really busy, but the best kind of busy. We had friends over for dinner and I had a great girls night that included dinner at Urban Flats (yum) and a movie. This morning Todd and I had an incredible brunch at Marche in East Nashville. Oh. My. Word. We loved it. We thought brunch would be a nice way to celebrate his new job. Thankfully his self-employment season didn't last too long! The problem now is that he's my direct competition. Our discussions about work could get interesting.

How did you spend your weekend?

Chili Cook Off

2010-10-17T17:18:00.000-05:00

On Saturday Todd and I met some friends in Leiper's Fork to attend the town's annual chili cook off. With nearly 17 different kinds of chili (and a couple of versions of homemade salsa), we left very full. Throw in some live music, a Barney Fife look-a-like and a visit from one of the candidates running for governor, you have a truly Southern festival.

In other news, I tried a new recipe I found on Whole Foods' site. I typically just buy a frozen kit for stir-fry, but Todd watched Food Inc last week and since he was pretty disturbed by what he saw, I bought whole wheat pasta, and organic chicken and veggies. Not sure we'll completely transition to all organic, but it did feel good knowing our food wasn't processed or full of chemicals.

Chicken Broccoli Stir-Fry, recipe found here.

Hope you had a great weekend!

Thoughts on Grace

2010-10-15T18:30:00.002-05:00

A few weeks ago I stumbled on a new-to-me blog, Chatting at the Sky. I immediately fell in love with the author’s writing style, so I was pretty excited when she decided to dedicate the entire month of October to discussions about grace (31 Days of Grace). Her posts have become a daily devotional to me and nearly every day I’m learning something new about myself and the way I view grace.

I am fully aware that grace can’t be earned and that I will never deserve it, but my actions lately would prove that I don’t always believe those truths. I have caught myself living as if I have outgrown grace or that I’m now too old for it. As I get closer to my 30s, my self-imposed pressure continues to build. I guess I felt that when I was younger, grace made more sense because I was learning and maturing. Now I feel like I should have it all figured out, I should know how to avoid mistakes and how to live in perfect community with others.

Sadly, I haven’t figured it out. I’m continually failing, and I have been feeling undeserving of grace because well, I should know better than to mess up.

The other night I had a meltdown. Actually it was more of a full blown tantrum. I said hurtful things to Todd and spent the next day profusely apologizing. I kept thinking, would I want a child to see me act that way? No. Am I way too old to be throwing fits when things don’t go my way? Yes. But what did Todd do? He lovingly forgave me, which is one of the most beautiful forms of grace.

I still need grace. Lots of it. I need grace from God, from the people I share life with, and more than ever I need it from myself.

Check out Chatting at the Sky for more thoughts on grace.

Also, if you’re an owner of a DSLR camera, check out 31 Days to a Better Photo. One of the best tutorials I have seen!

Weekend In Pictures

2010-10-11T18:03:00.000-05:00

Todd's family spent the weekend with us. The weather was perfect, the food was incredible and the time spent together was priceless.

*Todd's mom bought me a mini bundt pan. We made mini apple bundt cakes with a crunchy pecan topping. My new pan will come in handy for an awesome event I'm attending on November 19th (details to come).

*We introduced Todd's family to Fido. I think it might be my all-time favorite restaurant in Nashville.

*We spent the rest of the weekend shopping, watching football and laughing at this guy (the actual news clip can be found here). So funny.

Have I mentioned how much we love having family visit?

Feels Like Fall

2010-10-05T20:50:00.000-05:00

Fall is in the air and I couldn’t be happier. While October brought on some anxiety for me this year, it’s actually one of my favorite months. Every year I eagerly await fall and all the great things that come with it: cool weather, meals in crock pots, mums, pumpkins, high school football games, apple cider, trick or treaters, cozy TV nights with friends. The change in seasons has been good for my soul. To get into the season, we’ve been doing a few fall inspired things around the house:

We gave the house a fall face-lift. After taking the photos below, we did some major landscaping. I'll have photos soon.

We tried an awesome new recipe.

My good friend Allison gave me the recipe for Taco Soup (via AJ, a coworker of mine). I finally figured out how to link a pdf, so if you want to print the recipe and make it yourself, click here.

We baked some yummy chocolate-chip banana bread. I typically use Allison’s recipe (she’s my go-to for great recipes!), but I was out of buttermilk, so I used this recipe and added chocolate chips.

This week is a busy one. Tomorrow I head to Dallas with this guy. He and I are BFF. Just kidding, but he really is a great guy with a huge heart. I only wish I had time to swing in to see Christine or Jen, but my time in the Big D is just too short. On Friday we’ll be catching a high school football game with good friends, and later that evening Todd’s family will arrive for a weekend visit. So yes, it will definitely be busy, but it will be lots of fun.

I’m off to finish packing. Have a great week!

Yesterday

2010-10-02T19:44:00.000-05:00

"I just turned thirty, and I'm finally willing to admit something about life, or at least about my life, and it's this: I should have written in pencil. I should have viewed the trajectory of my life as a mystery or an unknown. I should have planned lightly, hypothetically, and should have used words like "maybe" and "possibly." Instead, every chance I got, I wrote in stone and Sharpie. I stood on my future, on what I knew, on the certainty of what life would hold for me, as though it was rock. What I know now is that instead of rock, it's more like a magic carpet, a slippy-slidy-wiggly thing, full of equal parts play and terror. The ground beneath my feet is lurching and breaking, and making way for an entirely new thing every time I look down, surprised once again by a future I couldn't have predicted." - Shauna Niequist, Cold Tangerines

Beautiful flowers from my sweet husband

First, I want to thank my amazing friends and sweet readers who left comments, called and e-mailed. I heard from friends I haven't talked to in months. Maybe I should unleash my desperation more often!

Second, the night I wrote my last post, I read a chapter in Cold Tangerines, titled "Writing in Pencil." I realized that I have done exactly the opposite of that in my life. Like Shauna, I'm constantly writing in stone. I don't want to do that so much anymore. I don't want another crisis/breakdown when I turn 30, 35, 40 or 50! I don't want to put unhealthy timelines on my future or goals that end up defining who I am instead of giving me a general direction to follow. I want to be flexible, because honestly, life doesn't fall into place like puzzle pieces. This year I want to let go. I want to enjoy the moment (something several of you lovingly made me realize I'm not doing). I don't want to get so caught up in the "What Ifs?" that I miss the Right Now. That's not an easy thing for me to do, but I want to give it a shot.

Yesterday I celebrated my birthday with wonderful friends. Sometimes I have to pinch myself when I think about how loved I am. I felt especially loved last night.

A few shots from the evening:

I'm really looking forward to everything this new, more mature age has in store.

Birthday Stress

2010-09-24T14:32:00.000-05:00

I’m not one to stress about getting older. In fact, most of the time I welcome it. I’m one of the rare ones who looks forward to turning 30. My whole life I have looked much younger than my age, and I can’t wait to see the look on faces of people who say, “You’re 30?!” I will respond with, “Why yes, I am a capable and mature 30 year old. Now take me seriously.”

But this year, I’m dreading my birthday. When I turned 20, I put a timeline on my future. Who does that? Apparently I do. The year I turned 28 would be a defining time in my life. I would be settled down; I would be climbing the corporate ladder; I would take steps necessary to become a mom. I would be a grown-up.

I turn 28 next week. A week from today. That number is glaring me in the face. I’ve been a monster to be around. Ask Todd. I feel overwhelmed, pressured, and not at all where I thought I would be at 28. I know that Todd and I have accomplished so much before this milestone year (buying our first house, getting grown-up jobs, etc.) But lately I’ve been questioning everything. Do I love my job? Is this what I want to do for 10 more years? 5 years? 6 more months? I don’t know. Am I ready to be a mom? I think so, but I’m terrified. It may take immaculate conception at this point. This birthday really snuck up on me and it feels like it’s me against my age.

I know it’s unhealthy to put timelines on my life – I know God’s timing is not my own (thankfully!) and that everything will fall into place when it’s supposed to. I do feel a natural shift in my desires and goals and I know God will carry me through. I just wish as a teenager I would have put 29, 30 or 31 as my defining year. But in the end, the things I fear are inevitable. I am going to get older. My priorities are going to change. And I’m going to be okay.

With age comes wisdom, right?

Folly Beach

2010-09-14T16:32:00.003-05:00

As I type, I'm sitting on a covered deck of the beach house that Todd and I are calling home until Saturday. The weather is perfect - not a cloud in the sky. At least a dozen dolphins just swam by in front of us. I'm surrounded by the most amazing women, whom I'm blessed to call my best friends. All is quiet except for the sounds of crashing waves, Sarah Bareilles (and from inside we hear our husbands laughing as they watch Wedding Crashers). To call this a dream vacation really doesn't do it justice.

Below is a snapshot of our time so far in beautiful Charleston, South Carolina:

We're having an incredible time - and we have 3 days left!

Be back soon.

Labor Day Lessons

2010-09-07T18:45:00.000-05:00

Todd and I had an amazing time in Missouri last weekend. I don't know if there is a better time to visit the Ozarks than when the weather starts to get cool. Life just slows down a little bit. While we always enjoy our trips home to see family, this time seemed especially special.

A few things I learned this Labor Day:

1. I've lost my game.

I used to be somewhat of a putt-putt pro. Not anymore. I came in a measly 5th place!

2. I will never get tired of this view.

Todd's parents are moving to the country. I can't wait to wake up to this!

3. Great meals don't always need a recipe.

Todd's mom and I threw this together in about 10 minutes.

All you need is pasta, shrimp, olive oil, artichokes, garlic and sun-dried tomatoes.

4. Riding a Harley isn't so bad.

5. I want one. Just like her.

How was your weekend?

Community: A Letter To My Home Team

2010-08-30T12:03:00.004-05:00

If I have learned anything in 2010, it’s that there are few things as valuable as strong community. To say this year got off to a bad start would be a huge understatement. In my first post of 2010, I wrote about how I feared things would change this year. Had I known how true those words would become, I would have dug myself a hole and stayed there. Call me a modern-day prophet? I'm kidding, but it's almost eerie how I predicted this year going.

Our group of friends became family so quickly that I often forget we’re not actually related. We love each other that well. But this year none of us have been able to escape life’s ugliness. We have faced trials none of us were prepared for.

The first half of this year I struggled immensely with “Why?” I thought maybe we had done something wrong. Maybe things had been too good. Maybe our paths were changing and because our trials were too much to endure, the community as we had known it would never be the same.

Maybe I would lose them.

I felt like I was clinging on for dear life.

I was wrong. And surprisingly it took a week on the road for me to truly understand just what it was God was up to.

A few weeks ago I was on the road to promote Jars of Clay’s new record, The Shelter. The basic theme of The Shelter is community. The band got the idea from old Irish words that say, “It is in the shelter of each other that the people live.”

While we were visiting with a radio station, Dan, the lead singer of the band said something that literally made me whisper under my breath…that’s it! It was one of those moments I will never forget. He said that the church often tells us to seek out community so that we can find a safe place with like-minded people. But that’s only half of it. It’s important to have a safe place with people that think the way we do, but the other half of community is this: it is in the safety of community that we link arms and together go out into unsafe places.

This year has been full of unsafe places – pain, loss, uncertainty…

God was never trying to tell me that our messiness was punishment. Instead he showed me that he had prepared us for such a time as this. The good years we shared together were great, and there is far better to come, but what we didn’t realize was that during this year’s painful season, he was equipping us to carry each other into the unsafe.

I came home more thankful for my home team than ever before. I truly believe that the painful season is beginning to come to a close, but it was in the painful moments that I learned just how safe I am; knowing my “family” will never let me go. I wish I would have been able to realize that from the beginning, but it’s such a big lesson that I understand now why God asked me to walk it out. The journey now involves reminding myself of that each day.

I know many people don’t read this blog and I’ve always written it just for me, but I can say this from experience: if you are going through pain and uncertainty, cling to your home team. Don’t walk away when life gets ugly, even when it feels like the easiest thing to do. I'm a runner; I very well know it's not easy to stick it out. Don’t assume you are being punished; instead assume there is a big lesson to be learned. Open your eyes to the love that surrounds you and your heart to the people who make this life worth living. You will reach the other side together, so much stronger than before.

To my dear home team, I love all of you more than words can express. I hate that this year has been so difficult, but I wouldn’t (and couldn’t) have walked this road with anyone else.

**

Now I say let’s celebrate the good times ahead of us! At the beach, perhaps?

The Good Life

2010-08-24T11:40:00.000-05:00

Last Friday night my good friend Mary met me in New Jersey where I was working an event just outside of Newark. She was so excited to try her hand at the music biz, so I quickly put her to work at the merch table. She loved being a "roadie!"

We spent the rest of the weekend walking all over Manhattan, which included a long stroll through Central Park, a stop at Dean & Deluca and lunch at the fabulous Cafe Lalo. It was wonderful to catch up. I love that no matter how long we go without seeing each other, we always pick up right where we left off.

We wrapped up the weekend just outside of Philadelphia where Mary and her husband Ryan will be living for the next year while Ryan finishes school. I fell in love with her new town, West Chester. Todd and I are already making plans to visit next spring.

I didn't take my camera with me, but I did have a nifty Flip-cam on hand and decided to experiment with video for the first time. Below is a quick recap of our time in New York and West Chester. Don't judge too harshly - I had no idea what I was doing!

*Song - The Good Life by One Republic

I was going to make a cameo, but apparently Mary didn't know to turn the record button on. Ha! Oh well, I never like watching myself on video anyway.

Hope you had a great weekend!

When The Husband Is Away

2010-08-15T18:24:00.001-05:00

Yesterday Todd had plans of his own, and since for the time being we are a one car family (sigh), I was left to amuse myself at home. It didn't take long to find ways to keep busy.

For one, I learned how to use the pressure washer. After about 30 minutes of figuring out how to turn it on, I hosed off the front porch and gave our rocking chairs a good cleaning and a fresh coat of paint. Unfortunately it was way too hot for me to stay out for long, so I went back in to find other ways to occupy my time.

Luckily the latest issue of Martha Stewart Living had arrived and while I've been debating renewing my subscription, I was super excited about the September issue. I finally landed on a paint color for our guest bathroom. I've been looking at paint for the last three years, and I think I have finally found it.

The color is called "Flagstone" and it's in the Martha Stewart collection - why wouldn't it be? Martha's kitchen is painted this beautiful earthy color and after seeing her photos, I can't wait to transform our bathroom.

Reading Martha put me in the baking mood, so I finally tried The Pioneer Woman's blackberry cobbler. The recipe is in her cookbook, but you can also find it on her website. It's incredibly simple to make and tastes delicious!

Since I was without a car, I decided to do some virtual shopping. If we weren't approaching the end of summer (and I had an extra $288 lying around), I would so buy this dress from Emersonmade. Maybe it will go on sale?

We're typically go-go-go on the weekends, but yesterday was a much needed lazy, girlie day at home. I have to fit those in when I can; my lazy Saturdays are often filled with the sounds of baseball and XBox!

How did you spend your Saturday?

Randomness

2010-08-13T12:14:00.001-05:00

I have lots to say and nothing to say at the same time. How does that happen?

I know I mentioned writing a follow-up post about community, but I'm still processing my thoughts and for now I'm keeping them to myself (and those closest to me) until I figure out how to put words to those thoughts. I will say this, God answered a lingering question for me. One I've been asking since January first of this year. It's crazy that He had me go hundreds of miles from home for me to finally figure it out, but I really think I did.

From here on, 2010 is going to be different.

Todd and I recently started living a "new" normal. Several weeks ago he changed jobs and is now self-employed. Eek! Self-employment has always scared me and I've never really been a fan, but God is blessing us in ways I couldn't have imagined. Who would have thought Todd would be busier now than when he worked for a large company? Now if I can just get over my jealousy of him staying at home, we'll be good! My mom was self-employed most of my life. She owned a successful jewelry store/repair shop for nearly 15 years. It was great to spend time with her a few weekends ago. She definitely calmed my fears and made me realize self-employment can actually be really beneficial. In fact, she just recently opened a new jewelry repair shop in North Carolina. More proof that she really is a fan of being her own boss.

Since Todd is working from home, we decided he needed a much better, faster computer. So we are now officially a Mac family! I know, we're really behind, but I'm still excited. It's just so pretty.

Now that I'm home I'm ready to start cooking again. It's been a long time since I've been creative in the kitchen. When I got back from my trip, I spent half a day catching up on all of my favorite Food Network shows. Giada made an amazing salmon recipe that I'll have to try eventually, but this weekend I think I'll stick to my trustworthy Cooking Light magazine and try the Southwest Salsa Burgers. Yum!

I'm trying to take it slow the next few days since I'm heading back out next week. I'm pretty thrilled about my upcoming trip. I'll be spending the weekend in New York / Philadelphia with Mary, one of my best friends from high school. I really can't wait!

So there's my random update. Have a great weekend!

Miles Apart

2010-08-06T14:20:00.001-05:00

I'm finally home and I missed this little blog. A lot has happened since I've been away, including an incredible shout-out from Shauna after I reviewed her new book here.

I don't really know where to start. Since the last time I wrote I have been in St. Louis, Raleigh, Charlotte, Winston-Salem, Asheville, Columbia, SC, Atlanta, Orlando and Tampa. Whew!

I packed my new handy-dandy camera thinking I would take more pictures than I could count, and yet I only really took pictures of our trip to St. Louis. Todd and I had a great time with his parents. It was a super quick trip, but we were able to take in a Cardinals game and I was finally able to experience "The Hill." I fell in love and can't wait to go back!

We visited some eclectic shops, I got my first bottle of olive oil from Di Gregorio's, we watched the Cards destroy the Pirates 11-1, and I met some of Todd's family for the first time. Great trip.

From there I flew to Raleigh to spend some much needed time with my mom, her husband and my sister. I don't get to see them nearly enough. My sister, the recently graduated cosmetology student, graciously cut my hair for free then stayed up late watching E! with me. I really wish she lived closer.

The rest of the week is a bit of a blur. I was on a radio promo trip with Dan from Jars of Clay and for the first time I experienced the "what town are we in?" syndrome artists are often talking about. I always thought it was funny to hear them say there were times they would get to a venue and not know which city they were in. That happened to me a couple of times. On Wednesday I was in Atlanta for breakfast, Orlando for lunch and Tampa for dinner. At one point while driving to Tampa I had completely forgotten that I had caught a plane that day and could have sworn I was still in Georgia. I blame it on the lack of sleep and crazy schedule. Regardless, I had a really good time and learned a lot about myself and the way I view community. I'm sure I'll have a blog post about my findings soon!

I missed you, little blog. It's good to be home.

Bittersweet

2010-07-23T09:15:00.007-05:00

If you're not familiar with Shauna Niequist, you need to get to know her. Her second book, Bittersweet, released today and I was fortunate to be able to read an advanced copy. I fell in love with the book so quickly that I've been counting down the days until the actual release to purchase my very own copy. It's that good.

I can't remember a book that has hit home in a way that this one has. I identified with every chapter. This year has been one of the most challenging that I can remember in a long time and not just for me and Todd. Our friends and family have faced trials that I wouldn't wish on anyone. If you're in a valley or have just come out of a painful season, I can't recommend this book enough.

As I read Bittersweet, I took pages of notes. I'm really looking forward to receiving my own copy so that I can go back through and underline the passages that will forever stay with me.

A few of my favorite Shauna quotes...

"It's so easy when your own world feels a little dark and fragmented, to become increasingly self-focused, only able to see the frustration and pain of your own life."

"Life hands us opportunities at every turn to get over ourselves, to get outside ourselves, to wake up from our own bad dreams and realize that really lovely things are happening all the time."

"I don't know where our future is leading us, and I'm exhausted from trying to figure it out. Many of the assumptions I had made about life and faith and friendship shattered with some violence, and on many days it felt like the earth was moving beneath us and solid ground was a thing of the past."

"When you stay with something instead of walking away, it builds something new inside of you, something solid and weighty, something durable. But you do have to wait for it. You have to earn it the hard way."

Bittersweet helped put many things into perspective and reminded me of several important truths:

*God is absolutely in control. Even during the bitter times.

*Community is one of the most priceless gifts we can receive in this life and I'm more thankful than words can express for my "home team."

*A life that is sweet all the time isn't reality. We gain our strength and become our truest selves during life's bitter moments.

Believe me, this book is worth reading. You can find out more or order your copy here. And meet Shauna here.

"When life is sweet, say thank you and celebrate.
When life is bitter, say thank you and grow."

-

The Little Things

2010-07-19T19:05:00.000-05:00

“The most important thing in life is to learn how to give out love, and to let it come in.”

― Morrie Schwartz

My family visited this past weekend and Todd and I had a wonderful time with them. The past week has made me realize that I can't take one second with my family for granted.

We miss them already!

Leap of Faith

2010-07-10T11:22:00.000-05:00

In my last post I wrote about how Todd’s job has made life a “bit” stressful. I need to update that statement. Todd’s job has caused life to be “very” stressful. But we won’t be shaken. In fact, our faith has surprised even me, someone extremely quick to worry.

I just recently finished reading an advanced copy of Bittersweet by Shauna Niequist. In the book, Shauna offers a small piece of advice that is changing the way I look at my life. She says, “When life is sweet, say thank you and celebrate. When life is bitter, say thank you and grow.”

For the last few months I have been telling Todd that I felt closer to God than I had in a long time. Little did I know that He was drawing me closer to Him in preparation for a tough season, but I’m so glad He did. Todd and I have felt such a peace and assurance that God will indeed provide for all of our needs. I don’t have a doubt in my mind that He will. We’ve just begun the journey of job hunting, cutting back our spending, etc. but I have felt God’s presence each day in a big way. I haven’t felt led to pray for a “big break.” Instead, I believe God wants to reveal His goodness each day. So every morning I wake up and pray, “Father – give us a small victory today and we will know You are here.” And I can say with confidence that He has given us victories each day. Whether it has been networking opportunities, financial blessing, or just something to keep our mind off our situation and make us smile, He hasn’t failed to meet us where we are. I can also say with confidence that I am truly thankful for this season and excited to see who we will be on the other side.

When Todd and I first moved to Nashville, we were working lousy jobs and struggling to stay on top of our bills. We were approaching our first anniversary and wanted to celebrate in a big way. We were watching TV in our one-bedroom apartment when a Southwest Airlines commercial came on announcing their $49 one-way specials. Todd and I looked at each other and both said, “Let’s do it! Let’s go somewhere fun.” On a whim we chose Clearwater Beach, Florida and scraped up enough money for flights, hotels and a cheap car rental (a little Kia that we both loved driving). We had a blast and we weren’t going to let our current situation keep us from celebrating our marriage.

Clearwater Beach, Florida; May 2006

It’s so fun to look back now. We’ll often bring up our trip to Clearwater and say, "Can you believe we did that?" Our finances may have been tight, but we will never forget that trip.

Our situation feels somewhat similar today. Things may change and we may walk through a tough season, but we won’t stop living. God will provide. He promises that He will and we are firmly believing those promises.

Psalm 20: 4-5

May He grant your heart’s desires and make all your plans succeed. May we shout for joy when we hear of your victory and raise a victory banner in the name of our God. May the Lord answer all your prayers.

For the record, Todd still has a job – but things have changed and we’re doing our best to prepare for the worst. Who knows, things could completely turn around or maybe a new opportunity is just around the corner.

Either way, we know God holds our lives in the palm of His hand.

So for now, we will trust and say thank you.

July Fourth

2010-07-05T18:50:00.001-05:00

“Idleness is not doing nothing.
Idleness is being free to do anything.”

― Floyd Dell

This weekend we celebrated the Fourth of July with some of our dearest friends (and some new friends too). It was as close to perfect as a weekend can get. Without getting into any messy details, Todd's work-life is a bit stressful, and the timing for our getaway couldn't have been better.

We spent two wonderful days reading, mostly on a deck overlooking the water (falling asleep in our chairs each time), boating on a beautiful private lake, swimming in a pool we had all to ourselves, and sharing delicious meals and funny stories with friends. It was heavenly.

Hope you had a restful, friends & family filled holiday!

Catalog Comedy

2010-06-27T16:14:00.001-05:00

I've been told more than once by family members that I can't "live in a magazine." Although it would be nice to have my home look like a magazine, I know it's far from realistic. It's just so easy to flip through catalogs and get swept away by their incredible staging skills and think, "I want my life to look like that."

But really, who lives like that?

The new blog Catalog Living is perfect for pointing out the over-the-top designs in some of the most famous catalogs - and the author's captions are hysterical. I was reading last night and laughed so hard I started crying.

What a great reminder to not take ourselves (or our home decor) too seriously!

Images courtesy of Catalog Living via Young House Love